Chapter 4 Two-Edged Sword

What we say is powerful. Did you know that God simply spoke the entire world into existence? And if that were not enough for us to pay attention to our words, the Lord told us that we would be judged by every word we say. Yet, even though Christians and preachers should know this is true, why then are we still being bombarded like the people in the world? Everyone, it seems, including Christians, have embraced the lie that it's important that we speak our minds and share our feelings.

Let’s, together, search deep into God's word, the Source of truth, to discover for ourselves, "What does God have to say on this vital topic?"

The Tongue: Small, Yet Deadly!

Set on fire by hell. "It is the same with our tongue. It is a small part of the body, but it can boast about doing great things. A big forest fire can be started with only a little flame. The tongue is like a fire. It is a world of evil among the parts of our body. It spreads its evil through our whole body and starts a fire that influences all of life. It gets this fire from hell" (James 3:5-6).

No one can tame the tongue. ”But no one can control the tongue. It is wild and evil, full of deadly poison. We use our tongues to praise our Lord and Father, but then we curse people who were created by God in His likeness. These praises and curses come from the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, this can not happen. Do good water and bad water flow from the same spring? Of course not" (James 3:8-11). 

We need a muzzle! “I told myself, 'I'll be careful not to sin by what I say, and I'll muzzle my mouth when certain people are near'” (Psalm 39:1). You may boast about having great physical strength, but how about the greater strength of self-control and holding your tongue when you're provoked, bullied or ridiculed?

Crushes the spirit. “A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, but a perversive tongue [speaking words that discourage and depress] crushes the spirit" (Proverbs 15:4). All of us have been on the receiving end of cruel words and know how it effects us, sometimes for years. As a Wise Warrior, you must show your full strength by how you refuse to say anything that is less than words that reflect a man of God.

God tells us to CHOOSE our words wisely.

Guard your mouth. How many times have you gotten into trouble for what you have said? “Honest people speak sensibly, but deceitful liars will be silenced" (Proverbs 10:31). “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). “Whoever controls his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (Proverbs 21:23). This is absolutely true. 

Sweetness of speech. If you have hurt someone with what you have said, God is faithful to offer a cure. “Gracious, kind and pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24). Besides the benefit of healing, “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness” (Proverbs 16:21). 

Grow up. One of the biggest lies we learned as children is, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” As I said before, we all have experienced unkind, foolish words that were vomited out at us as children. So it's time to grow up. “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Beware of how MUCH you say.

Too many words. “With many words, wrongdoing is unavoidable” (Proverbs 10:19). It's been said that God gave us two ears and only one mouth, so we would listen twice as much as we speak.

Guards his mouth. Everyone tells us to speak our minds and say what we think, and now it's changed to be all about sharing how we feel—but God says: “A man of understanding keeps silent” (Proverbs 11:12). God also says, “One who guards his mouth preserves his life; one who opens it comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). This is completely contrary, the opposite, of what everyone, including Chrisitians and the church keep saying; isn't it?

Feelings are fleeting. Never speak when you are dealing with negative feelings. Wait until you are thinking clearly, no matter how much you're goaded and provoked into saying something—most often by the females in your life. Males and females were created differently, no matter how much the world wants to say we're the same. Yet, we know we're not (we will look into this in a later chapter).

An "understanding way." Since women were created differently, you need to live with them differently— in an "understanding way." It's important to "live with [females] in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). When I questioned replacing [your wife] with [females] I was concerned wondering if He had led me or I was trying to prove what I wanted to be true. So HLM "He led me" to search the original language of Greek. For those who are reading this as a Course Lesson or as an eBook, this link will take you to read it yourself. 

Greek: Husbands, ἄνδρες (andres) Strong's 435: A male human being; a man, husband. A primary word; a man."wives" γυναικείῳ (gynaikeiō) Strong's 1134: Belonging to woman, of woman, female. From gune; feminine.

Nowhere does it indicate it is reserved just for husbands or wives, but instead, primarily, it's spoken about a man and woman, male and female.

One thing to understand about all women is that they are the very ones who want you to share "how you feel," but unfortunately, they will be the ones most hurt and have the hardest time getting over their hurts when you say you feel.

God said HE created women as the "weaker vessel," and as we've learned from going to the original language, Greek, as a Wise Warrior, you would be wise to also begin treating your mom, sisters (eventually your daughters), basically treating most females who are not die-hard feminists. *Feminists are not feminine and sadly have been lied to about their "inferior" role when the truth is—only females, women created with XX chromosomes, were chosen by God to give life! 

Considered wise. That's why God says, “Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise. When he closes his lips, he is regarded as sensible and a man of understanding” (Proverbs 17:28).

Say no more. “But let your answer be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’—anything beyond these is of evil” (Matthew 5:37). It's also wise to nod your head when anyone talks to you so the person, especially women who's speaking, knows you've heard and understand. Save yourself from having to listen longer by putting your phone down and turning off the TV (TV screens seem to have a magnetic force that draws your attention away from what's happening around you).

If you are a Wise Warrior, you will test what God has said and see if your life isn't greatly improved, AND as a bonus, the women in your life (young and old) should be much happier in their relationship with you and much more content.

Be content, and stop grumbling.

Do all things... “Do all things without complaining or arguing” (Philippians 2:14). 

Content in all circumstances. “Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Philippians 4:11). Contentment doesn't happen naturally, but it's a character quality that can be learned. One thing you can do if you're struggling in this area is practice Thankfulness Therapy, which is essentially beginning your day by telling God, the Father, or the Lord, His Son, everything you're thankful for that day. List each thing that comes to mind, and watch how good you feel because your focus is on your blessings!

Great gain. Godliness and contentment go hand in hand. “But godliness is actually a means of great gain when paired with contentment” (1 Timothy 6:6).

Be Content “. . . being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never abandon you’” (Hebrews 13:5). Are you content with what you have, or are you constantly trying to upgrade all your “toys” and possessions? Personally, my way of not only being content but joyful to overflowing all the time is remembering where I would be and where I would be headed if I didn't have a Savior! Take a moment to read my Salvation Story. After you read one, I challenge you to stop reading them. Or there's a simplified version on HomeGrown Ministries, Mighty Warrior.

Being agreeable?

Agree. What is so important about being agreeable? “Agree with thine adversary, opponent, enemy quickly, settle your differences, before you are dragged into court” (Matthew 5:25). Once again, by looking at the person, listening, and nodding your head, it will help a lot, especially when someone is angry or frustrated. Graciously and politely give the other person a chance to share their thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. Don't interrupt, then get on their side. Don’t fuel the fire. Later on, once they feel they have been heard and understood, depending on how much they have calmed down, they may be open-minded to your pointing out a different view. Your humility will quiet a person who is out of control, and it also proves your spiritual maturity.

Now that I'm living in my seventh decade with more than sixty years of having the Lord as my Best Friend, knowing He knows and understands me, I don't care what everyone else thinks or feels or if they've heard me.

Honorable. “Keeping away from strife is an honor for a man, but any fool will quarrel” (Proverbs 20:3).

Agreement. The enemy loves to divide and conquer, but God says, “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 18:19). When we don’t agree, we literally cancel each other out. “So refuse foolish and ignorant assumptions, knowing that they produce quarrels. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people" (2 Timothy 2:23-24).

It's better to agree and move forward rather than to fall into the schemes of the enemy and remain stagnant. Sometimes it takes being agreeable and going the wrong way for the other person you're close to, to see they are not always right, and that the best way is to be open to listening to the thoughts and decisions of others who are wise.

Slow to anger. You have heard people say that the Lord was angry and turned over the tables in the temple, so that we can be angry. But God says it a bit differently. He says, “But let everyone be quick to hear; slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God” (James 1:19-20).

Just like I said in Chapter 3, "Don’t excuse your behavior by comparing yourself to the Lord, believing you have the 'right' to be angry with people. The Lord was angry when the money changers were stealing from widows in God's house. In the Gospel, there are at least two accounts of the cleansing of the Temple when the Lord explicitly accuses the Temple authorities of "thieving" and specifically mentions poor widows as victims in Mark 12:40 and Luke 20:47.

Defending the weak, when your physical strength may be called for, is not reacting in anger when you've been wronged. (We will discuss more about this in Chapter 6, “Mad Man,” to gain even more knowledge.)

What does God think of lying besides the fact that He hates it?

What the Lord hates. “There are six things which the Lord hates, yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood (lives of the unborn) . . .” (Proverbs 6:16-17). In today's world, it's customary to excuse a lie by stating it's "my" truth. My friend, there's only ONE truth, and that's what God says. Not what you claim God means by what it says. 

Deceitful. Cry out to Him, “Save me, rescue me, and deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue” (Psalm 120:2).

Father of Lies. And lastly, why would we ever want to lie since the devil is the "father of lies," and lying is an abomination to God. “You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies” (John 8:44). Remember, it’s God's Truth that sets you free! “…and you shall know the Truth, and the Truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

Your tongue will be much harder to control if you're intoxicated.

Not wise. “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is intoxicated by it is not wise” (Proverbs 20:1). Drinking alcohol is not in itself a sin. It is the evil that takes control when you're unable to control your thoughts and behavior, like what you say. When you lack control from being intoxicated, it is removed, and it's given over to our sinful nature. This then results in an endless number of other consequences that we all have witnessed, and for some, experienced.

Utters perverse things. “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has contentions? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes? Those who linger long over wine, those who go to taste mixed wine. Do not look on the wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly; at the last it bites like a serpent, and stings like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, and your mind will utter perverse things. And you will be like one who lies down in the middle of the sea, or like one who lies down on the top of a mast. ‘They struck me, but I did not become ill; they beat me, but I did not know it. When shall I awake? I will seek another drink'” (Proverbs 23:29-35). This is a verse I had my young sons memorize, and its truth has kept one from drinking and the others from ever becoming intoxicated.

My decision to "not drink" comes from respecting those who have lost loved ones who have died as a result of drinking. I don't judge anyone who drinks, but I do not tolerate or respect someone who drinks to the point of driving while under the influence or acting in other ways that are both foolish and immature.

Another truth is that a person who drinks a lot is not an “alcoholic.” Drinking to excess is not a disease; it’s a sin. Therefore, confess your sin and He will set you free. If you stumble, the remedy is to continue to confess and cry out to God and boast about your weakness. It's what Alcoholics Anonymous is based on, and when it's given not just to a "higher power" but God—the results are incredible and admirable. 

Proceeds out. Yet, as distasteful as drinking to excess is, God still comes back to what this entire lesson is based on, our words: “Not what enters into the mouth defiles the man, but what proceeds out of the mouth, this defiles the man.” "It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth" (Matthew 15:11).  

To Sum Up

1. Be aware of how much you say—with many words, trouble is unavoidable. Instead, answer with “Yes, yes” or “No, no”—anything more than this will lead to evil.

2.  Be careful what you say—by your words, you’ll be justified, and by your words, you’ll be condemned!

3.  Do not argue—agree with your adversary quickly!

4.  Learn to be content in whatever circumstances you are in.

5.  Help to heal relationships with pleasant words that are like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones, and the sweetness of speech adds persuasiveness.

Let us all who desire to be a Wise Warrior
Strive to appear wise by keeping silent.
Let our words be few, patient, and kind.