Chapter 8 Manages Himself

Hopefully, someday you will have a family of your own—unless the enemy's lies prevent you from finding an excellent life partner, your wife, and a quiver full of children. It was God who said, “Who can find a truly excellent woman? One who is superior in all that she is and all that she does? Her worth far exceeds that of rubies and expensive jewelry. She inspires trust, and her husband’s heart is safe with her, and because of her, he has every good thing. Every day of her life, she does what is best for him, never anything harmful or hurtful.” (Proverbs 31:10-12) "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from Him" (Psalm 127:3). Yet, chances are, having a family is the last thing you're planning on for your future.

Yet, may I ask you if you are willing to let lies and worldly propaganda rob you, or will you, as a Wise Man Warrior, "man up" and fight for your future, letting you decide once learning God's Word and making sure you discuss your future with Him? The truth about marriage and having children will be discussed in later chapters. For this chapter, let's just suppose that you have planned to have a family of your own, and what has contributed to the lack of happiness and broken marriages.

Though everyone focuses on being as educated as possible, going to university to make money to support yourself and have a career, what about your home life? The happiest and most successful men have been married to the same woman and are blessed with children. So let's use this chapter to learn how to first manage yourself so you will be prepared to manage your household, the church of God, and possibly people you employ. God's principles, His promises, you have learned so far, will prepare you to become a wise man warrior and truly "have it all."

Grant her honor. It's never too early to grant your future wife the honor she deserves, “You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). The most important way to honor her is to honor the gift of intimacy and save it for only her. The best way to explain this is the way I taught it to my four sons by reading, Wedding Clothes for Him.

Love your own wife as yourself. Hopefully, reading the importance of saving your gift of intimacy, that you “Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). Loving your wife now, even before God reveals her to you, there's no question that you would want your wife to love and respect you so you are the one to open her gift first. To help you understand, take another few minutes to read, Wedding Clothes for Her.

Love your wives. “Husbands, love your wives, just as the Lord also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...” (Ephesians 5:25). Can you imagine where any of us would be if our Savior had not given Himself up, His future, for our future?

Rescue Mission

Rescue the perishing. The time is now to prepare to protect your wife by protecting and delivering your sisters and using your influence and love the way God intended. And this goes not just for your own sisters—but each and every unprotected, vulnerable young woman. Here's what God says, "Deliver those who are being taken away to death, and those who are staggering to slaughter, Oh, hold them back. If you say, 'See, we did not know this,' Does He not consider it who weighs the hearts? And does He not know it who keeps your soul? And will He not render to man according to his work?" (Proverbs 24:11-12).

God says, “Don't fail to rescue those who are doomed to die. Don't say, 'I didn't know! God knows your mind. He watches each of us and knows our thoughts. And God will pay us back for what we do or fail to do." (Proverbs 24:11-12). How might God repay you? While seeking to know what He wanted for this chapter, while reading this, I sensed it could very well mean that while you are protecting your sisters (and caring enough to thwart the advancements of a girl who is willing to give away her gift because she is desperate for love), that God will be using another gentleman to protect your future wife.

My three older brothers influenced my life and showed they cared quite a few times, which I took to heart. Even my older brother, Adrian, whom I spoke about in Closer than a Brother “Forever Best Friend,” greatly impacted my life. It was my brother who encouraged me to grow out my short hair (and I felt more feminine), offered a solution he used to improve my grades (and got straight A's after that throughout college) and how I needed to be very sensitive when someone would someday ask me to marry him (later I realized he'd been hurt, so with all the many proposals I remembered to be kind).

This doesn't mean you should begin judging anyone, because His Word is clear, “For God did not send His Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him” (John 3:17). Exactly! The lost and hurting "should be saved through Him," and when done in His love, trust that God will turn their hearts to the truth (Proverbs 21:1).

When you are His messenger or deliverer (such as when you give someone money), it won't matter how it's received or rejected, because it has nothing to do with you. You might feel disappointed, but disappointed on their behalf, not yours.

Remember the powerful way God says to "turn from evil and do good"? Well, there's no question it will need the strength of a wise man warrior to stop the advancements of a young woman offering to be intimate with you. But if you turn the situation around and explain her tremendous worth by encouraging her not to let anyone have what she should protect until she is given something in return—a solid commitment to marry her—each time you can strengthen a spiritual muscle that few men have ever possessed.

Love your own wife. “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself . . .” (Ephesians 5:28). Does this mean we are to love ourselves before we can love our wives? No. As you learned in the previous chapter, God tells us that we all love ourselves: “He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as our Savior loves the church . . .” (Ephesians 5:29). When you love yourself then you are just an example of men in the last days: “But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self...” (2 Timothy 3:1).

We love, because He first loved us. The foundation of love is found in this truth: “We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19). The Lord's example toward us is what every believer should follow. “For you have been called for this purpose... leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:2). Your wife and children will not give you or each other love without being loved first. This love needs to be His love, flowing through you.

When husbands give their love first, that's when wives learn to love their husbands. His love, flowing through you, goes on to motivate submission and respect. In the same way, when we grow more in love with our Lord, we are motivated to live right according to God's Word.

What then is love? Thousands of authors, playwrights, and movie directors pretend to know what love is. Let us go to the Author of Love for the true description: “And if I have the gift of knowing all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, to be able to move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

"And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

"Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the Truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:2-8). Love is more than just saying that you love someone. Love is an action, and it is your actions or reactions towards your wife and your future that will determine how successful you are at life. Let’s find out more about acting out our love.

Love Never Fails

Love is patient. Patience, which seems to be in short supply with many of us men, is a reaction, and it is, therefore, very important that we learn to react to our family members now. This will prepare you to react lovingly to your wife with patience. “And we urge you, brethren... encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

Did you notice that God mentions “help the weak”? May I ask if you are guilty of not helping your mother because of your laziness? God gave physical strength to you that He did not give to your mother, your sisters, and your future wife. Women who have husbands who don’t help them will usually resort to all kinds of ways to get the job done. They will either learn to do it themselves, ask a neighbor, pay someone, or leave the job undone. Helping each other is something I was blessed to train my children, especially my sons. As husbands and fathers, they continue this, so their wives and children adore them. What's even more rewarding is seeing and hearing how happy they are as real men.

Love does not act unbecomingly. Acting unbecomingly has become commonplace in too many of our homes. Unimaginable “scenes” and drama go on all too often. If this is happening in the home you're living in now, it's important that you, as a wise man warrior, take control of yourself first. “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit” (Proverbs 25:28). When you do, you are becoming a leader—a leader of men—which will carry over to being a leader in your home.

Love is not provoked. How short is your fuse? Are you quick to fly off in a rage? Is most of what you say expressed in a raised voice? “A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel” (Proverbs 15:18). “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city” (Proverbs 16:32). Most men envision capturing cities, maybe with a superpower like in movies, however, God says what's even greater is ruling your spirit and being slow to anger.

It's “A person’s wisdom that is slow to anger and they earn respect by overlooking wrongs" (Proverbs 19:11). Learn to control your emotions and practice discretion—especially when offended or disappointed. 

Love bears all things. The burdens men are expected to bear, as husbands and fathers, may seem impossible. Now is the time to learn how to run to Him with everything difficult. “Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden” (Psalm 68:19). “For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly” (1 Peter 2:19). Many men run to everyone and everything other than to God, their Father or their fellow warrior, the Lord of Hosts. Weak men run to their wives for help, and some foolishly run to another woman, alcohol, or drugs. Now is the time to train yourself as a wise man warrior to run to Him and Him alone!

Love believes all things. Sometimes following what God says can leave us temporarily discouraged, but God promises us that we will not be disappointed! “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed” (Romans 10:11). Trust in your Creator and the Author of life for your future, which begins right now.

Love hopes all things. Would you describe yourself as a positive or negative person? Perhaps you can fool others into believing you are a very upbeat person, but what would your family say if they were asked to describe you? Are you a man of faith? “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). This is speaking of your future, and what you do now, today, tomorrow, and next week will determine its outcome. “Know that wisdom is thus for your soul; if you find it, then there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (Proverbs 24:14).

If you lack faith, it's only because you need more of God’s Word. Pore over it daily, and meditate on it. “How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, nor stand in the path of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scoffers! But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither; and in whatever he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:1).

Love endures all things. When you feel you just can't go on, God encourages us to hang on to Him. “But the one who endures to the end, he shall be saved” (Matthew 24:13). Most men endure certain types of hardships, without complaint, like a man should. But if we examine ourselves, we may find areas where we are unable to “endure,” areas in our lives where we act like children, or quitters. God says, “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).

Love never fails. This is one of God’s greatest promises that His love for us and our love for others will never fail! “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). “The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love” (1 John 4:8).

God is the origin of love. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, our Savior died for us” (Romans 5:8). God states His love for us and also demonstrates His love for us. We, in the same way, must tell others that we love them but also go on to reveal it with our actions no matter how the other person acts, “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?” (Matthew 5:46). “And if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them” (Luke 6:32).

Give a blessing instead. Instead of misusing love and calling it "tough love," are you strong enough to begin “...not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead”? (1 Peter 3:9). Remember, “And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously...” (1 Peter 2:23). “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all transgressions” (Proverbs 10:12). “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). 

How can we possibly do all that the Lord asks us to do as men in today’s world? By grace! “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).