Chapter 1 “Being a Good Parent”

Being a Good Parent

Every mother and father wants to be a good parent, but in my observation very few are. How does each of us know when a parent is a good one? Of course, we look at their child and determine the fruit of their parenting. “So then, you will know them by their fruits” (Matthew 7:20). This principle destroys one of the greatest myths or lies that will determine whether you will be a good parent. The myth is that a parent can be a good parent and still the child can go astray. In today’s society parents who have ill-behaved children (who act up in public) adopt a pathetic look and attitude as if they, the parent, are the victim of this child that we are all watching misbehave. Not true.

Many people believe this myth because it is what the so-called "experts" have told us, and often because of those very strict or very religious families who have a child that goes astray. We assume that the parent obviously raised them well, but they just turned out to be bad. Not so. The Bible is the truth and it tells us the contrary. So what will you choose to believe?

The truth is that God told us that if we would take the time to train a child the right way, in the "way he should go" then we would not be put to shame. “The rod [a paddle or a spanking; not “time out”] and reproof [scolding or reprimand] give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15). You mothers may have noticed that the Bible says that the shame will be the mothers—so don’t be upset with me, that is what God says. Therefore, we mothers need to be the ones who take the responsibility of training and disciplining our children even if we are married and they have a father in their life.

You may also have noticed where we will be going in this book when I solidified what the “rod” is and what it is not. Before we can move forward, we need to identify why children today are unloved and unmanaged by their parents. It is primarily due to our following the world’s way of raising our children rather than following what God has told us clearly in the Bible.

Children today are difficult, if not impossible to be loved because they are downright naughty. This is not the child’s fault; it is the fault of the parent who permits, excuses, or neglects to control the behavior of their own child. No one can enjoy children who misbehave and have a bad attitude—not even their own parent.

The Bible has the wisdom for parents to train their children, nurture their children, with the assurance that their children will grow to become awesome and hopefully happy adults. And what about those experiences or influences that are out of a parent’s control? Even then we can trust God for the antidote or salvation. "God promises that all things will work out for good (yours and your child’s) if you love God (as you should) and are called according to His purpose (His plan)." (Romans 8:28)

If I have been a parent who is worthy of writing a book such as this, it is due to only one reason—my Creator, my Savior, and my children's Heavenly Father. It has been His power in my life, primarily through His love and through the wisdom found in Scripture that has led me to have enjoyed my children as they were growing up that everyone seemed to comment on. Our Creator, our God, our Savior is simply so good that I found out what to do that ultimately helped me enjoy my children and love parenting. Funny thing is, way back then, I didn’t even know any of it was in the Bible—but it was by His grace that I had applied it to my life as a parent. 

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of God may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for His sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong’” (2 Corinthians 12:9-11).

My seven children have been through incredible and heartbreaking situations that would normally destroy a child. A person would think that at least one of my seven would be a complete mess and embarrass the family. Some who are close to me have said just that. Even my own sister told me that due to their dad leaving us for his high school girlfriend, my children would be destroyed. Immediately I told her it was not true. Instead, I reminded her how my older four children were the most awesome young adults that she knew (she had told me that they were, and all of her friends, countless times), and it was because of what they went through that made them that way. Certainly, the majority of children are destroyed because of divorce, but that is not God’s plan.

• Please understand, even as adults my own children went through or are going through things—plenty of things—often that "appeared" as if all was lost. But I know it's only a part of their life's story, a chapter in their epistle that will be read by all who meet or hear about them.
• It will be the same for you and your children too!
• It will be the same for you and your children too! It's all part of the enemy's scheme to shut you up [oops, my mom wouldn’t appreciate it if I said that—so let me rephrase "shut up"]. 
• It's all part of the enemy's schemes to keep us quiet.

Do you believe when God says, “A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not approach you”? It’s true if you believe it. Accept that you will go through the valley of the shadow of death with your children when each of them goes through the valley of the shadow of death but you won't have to fear any evil that appears to have overtaken them or you. And that is ONLY due to Who I hope you will begin or continue traveling with as a Parent. Your own Heavenly Father. The Man you can go to who has the answers, the solution and will instill the patience to remind you that a book, your child's epistle, has to have harrowing and impossible situations He will bring them through—so the ending of each book will cause every "reader" to shout, cry and rejoice at what only HE alone could do!

So again, the question is: What makes a good parent, and is it really possible to enjoy your children (not simply do your best to “tolerate” them)? YES. This is what this book is about. It was my very own mother who was my greatest example of a mother and why I am also dedicating this book to her, Grace McGovern. Though her children were far from perfect, she really enjoyed them while she was alive (and especially enjoying her 21 grandchildren too). If you have to compare her children to most of society, you would have to conclude that she must have done something right. None of her children are drug addicts, alcoholics, or wife-beaters. Many have gone through some real heavy junk in their lives, but all have come through it basically unscathed. This is due, for the most part, to one simple principle that she lived and applied as a mother, and it is what our next chapter is all about—love.