Chapter 3 “I Give Up!”

Are you aware that when you, as a Believer, try to do “something right” you will receive some strong opposition? Too many Believers are ignorant to this principle; therefore, too many simply give up when things get a bit too difficult.  Even true veterans of conflicts, those of us who have faced opposition, and unending trials, may feel that it could be God who is telling us that we are headed in the wrong direction. Very soon we become weary, confused, and find ourselves unable to do what we set out to do—like raising our children as God intended.

When I began writing this new book, I set out with endless excitement that I could barely contain. As I mentioned in the first chapter, this book is something I have wanted to write for decades, and I even had the title for almost as long—what joy to finally be on my way! Each time I read chapter 2 on love (in order to revise it and get it just the way I wanted it to flow), it made me cry tears of joy—but then…

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the Lord’s sufferings, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:12-13). 

Yes, endless excitement until…I received some strong opposition and my book came to a screeching halt. Immediately after Chapter 2 was posted for our members to read on our site, the unthinkable happened—a trial to oppose what He’d called me to do. It was so damaging like no other that I’d faced, which made me ask the question: “Who do I think I am to write a book about raising children?!”

“But seeing the wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and took hold of him, and said to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ When they got into the boat, the wind stopped” (Matthew 14:30-32).

As I was colliding with this whirlwind of emotions that followed the crisis, immediately the Lord sent one of my sons who knew the situation to tell me, “Mom! Don’t ever, ever, ever think that you are not the best mom that ever existed, because you are! Don’t give up that book!” Though words like this are sweet, they are nothing like hearing God Himself. Once alone I spoke to the Lord about how I felt, to which He asked, “Erin, do you still enjoy your children, and do you still love being a parent?” The answer was simple and quick, “Yes!”

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).

More was revealed over the years, years where I waited and renewed my [spiritual] strength. Over the years, and now while setting out to actually continue writing this book, I spoke to and listened to the Lord who showed me how totally different this book would have been if I had written it years earlier—back when I’d first planned to write it, back when I felt called to do this. Back at that time, all of my children had been raised, basically, the way God intended, which is still the best and right way. But, He asked me, “What about the majority of Believers [maybe like you dear reader] who may not have been a Christian when you were raising and having your children, what then?”

Or, what if you are like me who raised your children in a Christian home, but then a situation arose out of nowhere that you didn’t see coming, something you didn’t choose? Something simply happened and it adversely affected the way you would have raised your children? How helpful would this book be, a book about enjoying your children, knowing how to love being a parent? What if I never lived through difficulties that so many “good Christians” are facing with their children?

So, God in His sovereignty [power, authority] set me up with a series of endless crises, situations, and catastrophes that resulted in my children being significantly harmed. My children, who are like most children, are now broken. The protective nature God gave me at a young age, even prepared me at just nine years old when I was expected to care for and protect my younger sister on the streets of Hollywood! God helped me navigate and learn so much that I was sure would mean I could avoid so many situations that could have destroyed me or my sister. Surely this meant I could do much more for my own children as an adult.

Broken children, maybe like your children—children who are struggling. This proves that we can never just settle into complacency in our lives since we never know what is up ahead, just around the next corner. A trial or crisis that is about to turn our world upside down. This is why as Believers we need to be connected to the only One who has all the answers and Whose desire it is to guide us, comfort us so that we can answer the call as parents.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; HE LEADS ME beside quiet waters. He restores my soul” “Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me” (Psalm 23: 1-4).

Paula: I can really relate to what Erin said. When my husband walked out and divorced me about eighteen months ago, he also walked out and (basically) “divorced” our children too (“Mom, dad divorced us too!” is what my teenage daughter said to me). No matter what people say, when there is a divorce, that’s what happens—your children feel they’re divorced from one or both parents. And for our daughters, this can take a toll that uncovers the unimaginable. 

Erin: Before any of you try figuring out what “it” is, let me say that for many of you “it” would seem like nothing; to others, like myself, “it” felt huge. Just as the Apostle Paul did not reveal what the “thorn” was that he asked God three times to remove (read 2 Corinthians 12:7-10), I know that like Paul I, too, must leave “it” a blank so that you can fill it in with your own situation.

No matter how much faith, stamina, or tenacity each of us has, God purposely gets us to a point of giving up, “I give up” is exactly how I felt even though I never voiced those words. The reason why He creates these calamities is very different than the reason the enemy works against us: the enemy’s goal is to wear us out and to cause us to sin. Yet, God is all-loving and His only purpose is for us to succeed: succeed at life, giving us a testimony that we can share with others. Why do good people go through tough times? For good! “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28). “I am the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the LORD who does all these” (Isaiah 45:7).

In order for any of us to become the kind of Believer who has something worthwhile to share with many others who are suffering, or who are confused, or who are simply ready to give up—we need to go through a series of calamities and experience how it honestly feels first-hand. We need to be at the point where we don’t offer a list of solutions, minimizing how it feels. We instead are ready to share how devastated we felt (sharing as much or as little as He leads us to share) with the ONE and only solution. Him. Our Savior.

Very true, pep talks do have their place, so does encouragement, but sometimes just being real and transparent can do more for the stranger you meet, your friend, or the member of your family who may view you as “perfect.” The truth is, we’re not. Even Jesus had this to say when someone called Him good, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone’” (Mark 10:18). Hmmm. That’s difficult to wrap your head around.

So why would God get us to the place where we literally feel like giving up? For the same reason that He set Paula up with unimaginable hardships of raising a huge family and finding herself divorced. For the same reason that He sent me around the world when all I want to do is remain at home, which would make more sense if you read His Prince and His Princess Series on HomeGrownMinistries.com

God set me up, God set Paula up, God set or will set you up with the chaos, the mess, the feeling of being overwhelmed with no solution because… Because He wants to use it for good, because He wants to take over and do something incredible, something magnificent, something supernatural—yes, He wants to perform the impossible. But to be able to do the impossible, and perform a miracle, your situation, your life, needs to be in the midst of an impossibility, a catastrophe—with no way out. In theory, this message sounds simple enough; simple, that is, until you are in it!

When I looked at the brokenness, and the broken hearts of my children, it appears that the suffering would undoubtedly leave lasting and ugly scars, but God tells us something entirely the opposite. “Then Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire…the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them” (Daniel 3:26–27).

If your children have suffered pain, shame, ridicule, abandonment, or any other calamity [mishap, misfortune], don’t just accept the lies that their lives can’t be miraculously and gloriously restored to even better than it was before, because it can. God says, “A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand, but it shall not approach you” (Psalm 91:7). All it takes is for you to go ahead and give up—then give it to God. That’s the difference between the righteous and the unrighteous. The self-righteous will use their religion to prop up and put a bandaid [plaster] on the problem. The broken will willingly lay down and listen to their Shepherd. “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul” (Psalm 23: 1-3)

For those of you who have done your best to follow God’s rules (His laws and principles regarding your children), then you have chosen the right way, the narrow path. That foundation is the way to go—no doubt about it. But for the rest of you, by the grace of God, I am now able to empathize. Now I have received His gift of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and now vicariously experiencing the same feelings, thoughts you may be feeling—all because I’ve now experienced the difficulties necessary. 

Now, therefore, I am in the position to write a book from a different vantage point—not on the top of the mountain looking down, but in the valley looking up.

Now I am capable of encouraging all of you who feel your children are lost, broken, gone and the situation is hopeless. The truth is: They’re not, it’s not.

It’s true that there is absolutely positively nothing, not one thing that you can do; however, there is plenty God can do when you come to the place of having only Him. Once there are no more prayers you can pray or principles you can follow—even and especially when all hope has left your heart and mind—so that all that is left is Him—you will discover that He is more than enough.