RJN “My Custody Loss” Chapter 2

I also have to boast about my weakness by sharing my mistakes so others can learn from it...

So back to that Sunday….

As I was standing there, listening to what Kevin had to say and still in a daze, an old feeling came back to me. I lost it and I wanted to fight because now he was “threatening” my children, how could he even think about taking my children away and giving them to the OW which I had to deal with for 5 years of our marriage? How could he? I completely lost it—everything I learned through the courses, everything just flew out the window, I am sad to admit. I am not proud of myself and how I handled it at that moment, but I was so incredibly shocked and it came out of nowhere; there was no previous mention of this, no indication that this would happen.

Kevin left fuming and I just fell apart, reality sank in and I realized that he was very serious, his mind was made up and no amount of pleading or fighting would change anything. The next couple of days, I continued doing everything wrong. I went to my aunt (my godmother) and told her about Kevin’s plans, and I also my other aunt. They told me I must fight this, and I cannot allow Kevin to take the children to live with him and the OW. They even gave me an envelope with money for me to go and see a very fierce lawyer they had heard about and the appointment was made.

But then my Husband stepped in and He started to work in my heart, He gave me the desire to translate the Facing Divorce Again book (I think because everything sinks in so deep when you translate) and He reminded me of one verse I previously read in the Facing Divorce Book: “Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.” I just fell to the floor realizing how miserably I failed, not just myself and my children, but I failed Him. I was walking on this journey with Him, and with the first big opposition coming my way, I failed. But luckily, His Grace is sufficient for us and He is there, ready to pick us up, take our hand and continue walking with us, leading and guiding us.

Then He reminded me of the appointment as if to ask: “So what about the appointment?” I told Him that I don’t know, I do not want to be disobedient to my aunts, but even more, I did not want to continue in my disobedience to HIM. So I started to pray for 3 days before the appointment, asking Him to deliver me without being disobedient to anybody. On the day of the appointment, and as the hour came closer, I just kept on talking to Him. When the time came to leave to go to the lawyer’s office, nothing happened to indicate that I shouldn’t go, but my hope was in Him and I trusted that He would show me His will. As I drove, I just kept on talking to Him. I reached the offices and there was nobody, not even a single car outside in the parking area. The appointment was for just after working hours, but there was no sign of life; the gates were closed and I just sat there in my car, asking my Husband now what? He just said: “You can leave now. It’s over.”

I drove back, and went to my aunt to fetch the kids and to give the money back, I told her what happened, and I told her I can’t do this, I told her I prayed about it and He made sure the appointment didn’t happen, so that is not His will or His way. She said some things but I didn’t really listen, I know she loves my children, and she loves me, we were always close, since I was a little girl, she is my other mother, and my children are her grandchildren and she is concerned about them because she loves them to bits. It is so true, the more we talk, the more we continue to get worldly advice from people who love us and care about us and mean well.

Until today this whole situation affected my relationship with my aunt (my godmother), we still visit each other and she is always friendly and helpful, but from the things she says, I know she blames me for not fighting for my children. But I trust that He will restore all relationships at the appointed time and He will use this whole situation for His glory for all to see. And He is fighting for me and for my children, I only need to be still.

I’ve learned some very important lessons from how I handled this situation, and things I started to apply more zealously from then on, and that is to win without a word, to always have a gentle and quiet spirit, agree enthusiastically, take everything to your Husband and let Him handle it or guide you in what to say if you HAVE to say something.

So now I had to walk out the rest of this trail with Him and, in the end, lay down my will for His.

To be continued…