Chapter 14 The Ways of Her Household

Many women are finding themselves with double the work, double the responsibilities, and double the stress. Women are expected to care for their homes, their husbands, and their children, along with contributing to their family’s finances.

Women do this whether they are sick, pregnant, or have just had a baby. Many women dress their children, feed them breakfast as fast as possible, figure out what to feed them for lunch, and get themselves ready to go. These same women drop their babies in the arms of caregivers as they cry, and many times, they cry themselves on their way to work. The life of women today is nothing but a rush, a blur, and tremendously hard work. What happened? How did things become so difficult for women? When I was growing up, mothers got their children off to school and then took the time to play bridge with their friends!

Many Christian women use the example of the Proverbs woman to rationalize working outside the home. Many women will tell you that they like the independence and freedom from the mundane task of being a homemaker. Some people believe that the Proverbs woman worked away from her home and that this is God’s plan for women. But did God really intend for a wife and a mother to work outside of her home and away from her children, as most of the working moms do today?

We must be careful to teach women about the Proverbs woman, while being careful not add to His Words nor to take any away. Each of us must look at all the Scriptures that refer to women, wives, and especially mothers before making such an important decision to begin or continue to work away from our home and our children. Above all, we must seek the Lord for His plan for our lives. Often, our plans are not His plans; therefore, our goal will interfere with or inhibit His perfect plan for our lives resulting in a burden too great that we were never meant to carry.

“Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:29).

It is my goal in this very important chapter to help each of us to renew our minds by searching His Word for our answers; only then can we find the rest that we need when we apply them to our lives. It may mean the laying down of our wills and embracing His will for our lives.

My heart’s desire is that you will be set free from the bondage of the need to fulfill your life with a career or the financial need of having to work outside your home. This will allow you to be free to minister to the needs of your husband (when you are married), your children (when you have children), and the other women the Lord brings into your life, “and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free” (John 8:32).

Though this chapter speaks primarily to women who are currently married and have children, the wisdom contained in this chapter will equip you who are not yet married, and don’t have children, to help direct your future. This chapter will give you insights and guidance that few of us had when we entered into marriage or bore our first children. So, as you read this chapter, do so with an open heart as I share years of insight (successes and failures) and wisdom (from seeking the Lord only) that I pray will bless your life.

Your Own Husbands

Your own husbands. When it comes to being submissive, we all must agree that the Bible tells us whom we are to be submissive to, if we are married. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22). “You wives be submissive to your own husbands . . .” (1 Pet. 3:1). “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18). “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18).

Workers at home. Then, in the book of Titus, it tells us that women are to “be sensible, pure, workers at home . . .” (Titus 2:5). In contrast, the Bible tells us that the harlot “is boisterous and rebellious; her feet do not remain at home” (Prov. 7:11). This is the Bible talking, not me, and it is written for the protection of the woman and her children. The home is designed to be the safe-haven for women and a place that they should be comfortable and content in.

Divide the spoil. “And she who remains at home will divide the spoil” (Ps. 68:12). In this Scripture, we learn about just one of the rewards for women remaining at home. Those of us who are blessed to stay at home are often able to take advantage of sales and special offers, or “dividing the spoil” of the mothers who do work.

All of us know that a working woman is forced to purchase clothing for her family and herself at full price since her shopping time is limited to evenings and weekends, if she is not too tired. Very often, working moms or wives not only miss out on savings from shopping the sales, they also spend much more on prepared food. A wife and/or mother who is blessed to stay at home is more likely to cook meals from scratch, and she will not need to buy the more expensive prepared foods. She also has time to make use of discounted food sources. Yes, staying at home is a way of saving money and of being a good steward of the Lord's money. Yet more than that, it gives a woman a deep sense of fulfillment to be a homemaker, and to care for her family, no matter what you have been told.

Work and Children

When you sit in your house. It is important to learn God's laws and to understand how they work. By following God's laws, we will be safe, secure and protected. Here is one of God's laws, “And you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up” (Deut. 6:7). In other words, mothers need to teach their children all day long. When mothers are running around half-crazed with all they are expected to do, how do any of them have time to sit down, even for a few minutes, with their children in their own homes? They don’t.

“Quality time” contradicts what we are told to do in Deuteronomy 6:7. The Bible states, “Discipline your child early while there is still hope” (Prov. 19:18). Discipline is defined as “to teach somebody to obey rules or to behave in an ordered or controlled way.” Who hasn’t seen the awful fruits of the terribly behaved children in the stores today? But it is not the child’s fault when he or she has been left day after day, during most of their waking moments, with someone that is not their own mother?

No one else has the same love and invested interest in the emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth of a child as his or her own mother does. When a mother works outside the home, she cannot possibly be expected to give the same time and attention to her children as a mother who is free to stay at home with them. Mothers know that no one can take their places when it comes to love, sacrifice, and patience with their children, and yet, so many mothers choose to work putting “things” above their children.

Women have been deceived, and now we are all left to deal with the bad fruits of children who have not had the kind of upbringing they need. The bad fruits are everywhere as we witness rebellious and demanding children who scream and disrupt us at supermarkets, in restaurants, and in the malls!

Helper suitable for him. The Women’s Liberation Movement has encouraged women to try to copy the man’s role in society. Unfortunately, instead of liberating her, they have managed to sell her into bondage. They push all of us to get out and work, leaving behind our children, our homes and our husbands. We return home exhausted from a full day’s work, stepping into our roles as homemakers until we fall into our beds, exhausted and worn-out. And as we find in our ministry, the working woman’s husband then falls for someone at work and leaves her a single mom! Am I honest in what is happening in today’s society?

Uniquely created. God created the baby within a mother’s womb and gave that baby his food from her breasts. God also gave the mother the patience and the capacity to nurture children in a way that forms the child’s life. This is the foundation of the love that the family is dependent upon. However, when we began to “blur” our roles, it had a devastating effect on our children, our homes, our families, our society, and our entire world. The most forgotten and the most overlooked effect is the devastating effect this has had on the woman herself.

House divided. “Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and any city or house divided against itself shall not stand” (Matt. 12:25). A tactic of the enemy is to divide, in order to conquer. By dividing the home through the wife working outside her home, the enemy has captured:

Our children. When a mother is gone, children will look to their peers for guidance and for approval—hence peer pressure that leads to the use of drugs, drinking, sex and pornography—destruction.

Our daughters. When a mother is working away from her home, and then is too busy in the evenings to spend time with her daughters, her girls will look to her friends and boyfriends for reassurance, as they grow from girlhood into womanhood, with the corresponding hormonal and body changes.

Mothers. When mothers began to work outside the home, they began to have their “own life” just like their husbands, with their jobs and their friends at work. Most of our mothers are now “back at work” (or working for the first time).

Our husbands. When the wife has a job, a division occurs within the husband/wife relationship. Their interests are now divided, weakening the marriage. A likely result is the husband (or wife) falling into adultery at work, which eventually leads to divorce and being a single mom.

My hand made me this wealth. The husband and wife are also divided on what and when to buy, because they each have “their own money.” “Otherwise, you may say in your heart, ‘My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.’ But you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth . . .” (Deut. 8:17–18). When a wife brings in part of the family’s income, we witness major damage to her marriage because it allows the wife to be independent from her husband.

It’s interesting that Business Week magazine looked at divorce from a financial standpoint. Their study showed that “when a woman can provide for herself, she no longer needs to be married.” What they failed to note was that quite often, the husband becomes dissatisfied with his wife's lack of attention, so he searches for that attention, usually at his place of work, and then his wife is faced with a husband in adultery or one who runs off rarely supporting her or their children.

Troubles his own house. “He that is greedy of gain will trouble his own house” (Prov. 15:27). Today most husbands expect their wives to help out financially by continuing to work and going back to work right after having a baby, never realizing the destruction that this decision will have on him and his entire family. It will, without a doubt, undermine his marriage. Children become a financial burden rather than a blessing.

It seems that almost all women who marry keep their careers until they have children. The husband does not realize what he is giving up in his pursuit of monetary gain. Having a wife whose main job is to keep his home, make his meals, and just be there for him when he returns home each day, is the experience of “two becoming one flesh” or a “cleaving together” that no amount of money can buy for him.

Weary yourself to gain wealth. With more money, instead of financially “getting ahead,” couples always increase their spending (that’s a proven fact), and, in most instances, are in a worse financial situation than if the wife did not work. Proverbs 23:4 says, “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens.”

The question is, do we believe God’s promises when it comes to finances? “And my God shall supply all your needs, according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19). His ways are perfect. You can trust Him! Why do Christian couples think that the only way God will supply their needs is if they both work? That’s foolish. When couples are committed to trusting God you find that the husband ends up making more money when his wife chooses to stay at home to care for him, their home, and their children.

A house divided against itself falls. Not only is it a poor decision financially, but when a woman works outside her home she is forced to divide her loyalties and her priorities between her work and home, and her boss and her husband. “But He knew their thoughts, and said to them, ‘Any kingdom divided against itself is laid waste; and a house divided against itself falls’” (Luke 11:17).

When women are employed, they must fulfill and respond to all their bosses’ needs and desires, just to keep their jobs—always putting her job first so she doesn’t lose it. Unfortunately, women often lose something more precious—their marriage.

Women who work outside the home can’t help but put their bosses first, with the attitude and characteristic of an ideal wife! Women are often asked to forfeit precious time with their families by working late, coming in early, or working weekends.

Women begin to show gratitude to their bosses that should only be given to their husbands. When their bosses pay them a compliment on their appearance or on their work, they are thrilled. Their bosses may take them out to lunch or give them a bonus or gifts.

Is it any wonder that many wives now leave their husbands and run away with their bosses or co-workers? It is not just the husband leaving with his secretary or co-worker anymore! Women are also leaving their husbands at an alarming rate. This is due mainly to married women being in the workforce, and no longer in the home.

No one can serve two masters. Working women will find themselves in two competing worlds—each world with a distinct set of demands and rewards. Scripture tells us that we cannot serve two masters; no one can. “No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other or he will hold to one and despise the other” (Matt. 6:24). And is that not exactly what happens? We begin to follow one and then we begin to hate the other. A wife either loves work, and her family and home become an irritation, or she hates work because she would rather be at home.

Leave the presence of a fool. In addition, when women work outside the home, they begin to suffer many destructive pressures. Working with others, especially non-Christians, takes its toll on us spiritually. Though many women feel that they are the “light” in their place of work, most Christian women never really make a difference. The Scriptures teach us to, “Leave the presence of a fool or you will not discern words of knowledge” (Prov. 14:7), and “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals” (1 Cor. 15:33). If your place of work is causing you to compromise your beliefs, it will eventually corrupt your morals. Very soon you will be doing things or saying things you never dreamed of before.

Do not associate with a gossip. Let’s face it, we women all have many common weaknesses; one of which is gossiping. A common pastime of women in the workplace is gossip. We cannot seem to help it. When a coworker has a problem with her husband we all join in and cut him down together. Soon the other women are talking about their husbands negatively too. Then when we have or our coworker has trouble with that new boss, we all murmur and complain all day, every day, about him or her. Proverbs 20:19 states, “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.”

The ways of her household. When women work outside the home, they are left with no choice but to neglect important household responsibilities. “She looks well to the ways of her household . . .” (Prov. 31:27). A wife who spends most of her day working cannot be expected to do the things that she would do if she had time, such as baking, keeping her home clean and in order, and especially spending time nurturing her children. Even her meal preparation time is cut to a minimum and is always in a rush. “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

Ladies, Satan is a thief; he is stealing the abundant life God has for each of us as women! The husband today is no longer “cared for” which explains why so many men don’t want to marry. Why would they?

Even if he does marry, he has to fend for himself when it comes to meals or having his clothes cleaned and pressed; or worse; he is expected to do it for his wife and family. I always tell married women that there are plenty of women at their husband’s place of work who are looking for neglected husbands! I know.

When a woman works, she cannot be at the door to greet her husband because she is gone picking up the kids from daycare, running some quick errands, and then scrambling to find something to make for dinner. Many men find that married life is not as good as it was living as a bachelor! As single men, they at least had the benefits of peace and quiet when they got home from a long day at work. Could this have something to do with men choosing to have their own apartments rather than remaining married men at home?

But each one is tempted. When the husband realizes that his wife's listening ear is gone, as his wife hurries around in the evening to get ready for the next day, temptation is knocking at his door. Since a man does not generally confide in other men, he finds that “listening, sympathetic ear” with another woman, usually, but not always at work. “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death” (James 1:14–15). Yes, death—death of a marriage in epidemic proportions.

When a woman’s husband announces that he is leaving, she is the first to say “good riddance” or “don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” All too soon, she finds herself sitting in a small, dumpy apartment as a single mom, often with a welfare check and or food stamps. What happened! Remember, it all began with her just “bringing in a little extra income, often to pay off debt.”

Honestly, money and a career are simply not worth the price that we women are paying!

To eat the bread of painful labors. Article after article is written to give women tips on how to get their husbands to help around the house, since women are helping with the family income. Every wife expects her husband to do “his share” of the household chores. Unfortunately, studies have confirmed what we women already know: most men rarely help out in the home. Women are killing themselves doing “it all.” Ladies, God tells us that “having it all” is vanity. “It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep” (Ps. 127:2).

It is gone. A working wife is financially unwise. Many mothers feel they must work outside the home in order to make ends meet. She earns more, but then ends up in a higher tax bracket, and in all cases, the family always spends more forcing her to stay working. “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, Cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens” (Prov. 23:4). If you wonder where this extra money is going, here are just a few women who have shared their experiences of working and spending.

“The food I buy is usually already or partially prepared, fast food or restaurant food for the speed and convenience. This happens about five times a week. I am simply too tired to cook, and I feel I deserve a break.”

“I don’t shop where and how I used to. I buy clothes at retail prices now instead of shopping the sales, going to yard sales and thrift shops, or sewing them myself, which I used to love to do. I find I don’t keep the family’s clothes in good condition (mended and pressed) like I used to. Instead, I give them away and buy new ones.”

“I find that I need a lot more clothes per person. The extra clothes are needed for my children and my husband since I can’t do the laundry as often as I used to. I also need a lot more nice clothes for myself that I never needed before I began working.”

“Now that I am working, we thought we could afford a good Christian education for our children. I used to teach our children myself at home; now I don’t have that option.”

“We used to have only one car. I used to complain and I thought I would gain so much freedom. We now have a second car with the added payments, insurance, maintenance, and extra gas. We really haven’t gotten ahead at all. Now besides working to pay for the car, my husband has me running around doing all the things for him that he used to do for me!”

“We thought we were making more until it came to tax time. We found that instead of saving more money, we are now paying higher taxes because we are now in a higher tax bracket and haven’t gotten more of anything—except debt!”

“By the time I pay out the money for our one daughter’s after-school care and the day-care bill for the baby, I figure I make about a half of minimum wage.”

Won without a word. The question is what if a husband tells his wife that she must work? First of all, the husband must be the savior of the family. “For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body” (Eph. 5:23). Did you know that most of the time, it’s the wife who suggests that she go back to work, operate a home business, or cut back on expenses!! Wives should learn to just be quiet when there is a crisis!

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet. 3:1–2). Wives should remain still, calm, quiet and pray when there is a financial crisis, and allow the husband to do what he feels needs to be done. By showing respect, a husband will be encouraged to carry the burden if the wife will just be quiet, listen and agree. Even if his suggestion is for the wife to go back to work—once she agrees she can then trust God to deliver her. (Read “Won Without a Word” again for encouragement.)

I sought the Lord. What if your husband insists that you to go to work, or what if some day you suggest going back to work by mistake, or what if your husband has left you and you become a single mom? “I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed” (Ps. 34:4–5). As you seek the Lord in your distress, you will have the added blessing of looking radiant!

In seeking the Lord for more encouragement, I stumbled on a real surprise. Larry Burkett wrote a book entitled Women Leaving the Workplace. The testimonies in this book are awesome! They will show you the faithfulness of God on the wife’s behalf. However, make sure that you skip the financial steps that Mr. Burkett gives you to return home or to stay home. Stick to the testimonies only because they will inspire you to trust God totally and not rely on the “works of the flesh,” which his financial steps are all about.

The point is to obey your husband and pray! God will give you the desires of your heart to remain or to return home. The only time I have ever seen this not work, is when women change their minds (and hearts) by putting their career ahead of their family, or, when they come up with their own plan rather than remaining quiet and seeking the Lord to deliver them.

Each woman must pray that the Lord will give her favor with her husband, just as He did with Daniel when he would not compromise by eating the king’s food.

Testimony 1: I recently prayed for a woman who was told she would never have children. However, God had the last word and she conceived. She and her husband had always lived on a double income, so their families continued to try to make her reconsider attempting to be a stay-at-home mom. Desperate, she got the book by Larry Burkett and was DISCOURAGED beyond words, as Larry emphasized the need for “planning” and “putting funds away ahead of time”! I told her to STOP reading what he wrote and to read the testimonies. Encouraged in her faith, they had their baby, she is staying at home and they are living better now than when they had two incomes! This is God rewarding those who trust HIM, not in themselves or in a second paycheck!

Testimony 2: Stella* came to the fellowship with a great dilemma. Her husband who had left her for another woman was now requesting that she go back to work. Stella’s daughters had just entered high school and she had always planned to stay at home with them during this crucial time in their lives.

That night, we all prayed fervently for the Lord to deliver her. We also counseled her to submit to her husband and to get a resume together as he had asked. The next week she shared that no matter how hard she looked, she was unable to even get an interview (even with her incredible experience and references). For weeks, we continued to pray for her deliverance. Stella's husband was drawing closer to her as she exhibited her submission to his request. He had started to weaken in his desire to have her work, and then he then told her that he would be returning home to her and the girls within the next few months!

However, one night when I entered the fellowship the women were there early and in fervent prayer again. Upon joining in, I was shocked at what I heard. Stella and the other women were praying differently. They were praying that she would get a job at some prestigious law firm that she had interviewed with that morning! I confronted Stella and the group, but they were adamant that this must be the Lord’s leading.

Stella did get her prestigious job. She has been working downtown with a new hairstyle and fabulous clothing. It has been almost seven years since her husband told her he was coming home. If that were not sad enough, one of her daughters found herself pregnant during her senior year, and her other daughter got mixed up with a much older divorced man the following year.

Testimony 3: Bobbie* was trusting the Lord for her marriage and trying to learn to be a submissive wife, even though her husband was living with another woman. One night, her husband told her that he was going to have to sell her car to help out with some of his debts. He promised that he would get her something else to drive. (The car had been a gift from Bobbie’s mother, was in great condition, and was paid for.) In submission, Bobbie put a sign in the car’s window with her phone number. However, she prayed like crazy for the car “not to sell!” Every week her husband was amazed that no one even called to inquire about the car. He then decided to put the price on the sign and lowered it every week. Nevertheless, there were no calls. Then one evening, he proclaimed how totally incredible it was that no one wanted this nice car. He told Bobbie that he had made other arrangements and told her to take the sign down from the window!

Bobbie kept the car that the Lord protected for years. Even though it was fifteen years old, her mechanic said it has many, many more miles to go. She said that she keeps it because it reminds her of God’s faithfulness and she gave it to her sons to drive!

Testimony 4: I have my own testimony. Though I have worked from home in ministry for years, when my husband left me everyone was sure I would have to go back to work or lose our home. Many also believed that I would have to give up home schooling—myself included. The total shock came when I was for the very first time in my life, a real home school stay-at-home mom; the type of woman I always envied. How was this possible, I asked myself almost every day? It is God. He told me, and He tells you, that He will provide all our needs. He doesn’t say that we need to fend for ourselves, especially when we are abandoned.

However, I see many women who I believe are talked into losing their home, and going back to work, because of all the people who tell them that this is going to happen to the point that they believe it! This is all part of the poverty mentality that I wrote about in a book called just that “Poverty Mentality.” This book and all our books are available for free on our site: www.RestoreMinistries.net or www.EncouragingWomen.org.

Stewardship

Debt. Surely the biggest reason for women having to work is that we are a society in debt. Rather than waiting for the things that we want, we buy on credit. Instead of living within our means, we live above our means. Romans 13:8 tells us to “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law.”

Getting out of debt. Our desire must be to be debt free. This must be our heart’s (and our prayers’) desire. Surrender this situation to God since the more we try, the worse the debt gets. Unless we embrace this desire, we women will be “forced” to work. “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (John 10:10). The enemy’s plan is to steal our children (to daycare), to divide our homes (with two careers), and to ultimately destroy our families (through divorce or adultery). Take your debt to God and trust that He can do all things. And for more help, read our book Moving Mountains that increases your faith to trust God to become debt free, but only after you read the Poverty Mentality.

Once again, this book, and all our books are available for free on our site: www.RestoreMinistries.net or www.EncouragingWomen.org.

But he overspends. Many women blame their husbands for his overspending, and very often this is true. However, a husband’s overspending should never be our problem. Thankfully, it is the Lord’s problem because women are not over their husbands. “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:3). If you end up being married to an over-spender, remain quiet (win him without a word) about his spending. Give him the respect that God commands us to. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet. 3:1). Also, you must make sure that the log is not in your eye. Are you overspending too? This is usually the case, or the opposite is true, and the wife takes on the burden and tries to compensate for her spendthrift husband who spends money recklessly.

Testimony: Shari* learned the concept of getting out of debt and no longer wanted to use credit cards. However, she was not the real spender in the family. Her husband, who had left her, was the one who overspent. Nevertheless, Shari wanted to do what she could by not using a credit card, and to leave her husband’s spending in the hands of the Lord. She claimed the verse in First Corinthians 7:14, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife . . .”

When she needed some new underwear for one of her sons and a haircut for herself, her husband told her to go ahead and put it on the charge card since things were “a bit tight.” Gently, she told him that “come to think about it, I really could wait for a hair cut and it would be simple to mend the underwear.” Puzzled, he asked her to explain why she would not just charge them. She respectfully told her husband about what she learned, and her desire not to put her husband into any more financial debt. He told her that it was really “okay,” but it was up to her.

Shari took this opportunity to give her husband all of her charge cards (a leap of faith for her) as God blessed Shari for her faithfulness. Shari is back together with her husband, and they are working together toward getting completely out of debt. Her husband did tell her that, when she wouldn’t buy underwear or cut her hair because of her convictions about not using credit cards any more, he was sure that she had really gone off the deep end! Praise the Lord that Shari’s husband has also taken the plunge!

Contentment. As wives, we must begin first to be content and live within the means and provisions that our husbands can comfortably provide. “Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Phil. 4:11). “And if we have food and covering, with these we shall be content” (1 Tim. 6:8). This begins now while you are single or maybe living with your parents.

Learn to be content, which is often impossible when we look through magazines, and watch commercials, and worse, by window-shopping. Once we see something, all of us may be tempted to want it even though we were not aware of it before and were living just fine without it. If you know you spend too much, do yourself a favor and stay away from temptations.

Faith. We women need to have faith that God will provide for our needs, and usually, our wants too! “Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD” (Ps. 27:14). Whenever I wanted anything, I would bring it to the Lord, and I would be overjoyed when somehow He would bless me with more than I had hoped for. This has been especially true since becoming a single-mother of six children still living at home. Though I should be (and my children should be) living with less, the opposite is true—we have never been more blessed with unexpected gifts or special prices when looking for something we need and want. Do not let the “poverty mentality” get into your head or into your conversations: like “We just can’t afford it!” The Lord is the best and most faithful Husband that a family could ever need, so give Him the praise and trust Him at least as much as you used to trust your husband to provide!

This goes for women who are married too. So often a wife seeks what she needs from her husband, and the burden of providing is often more than he can bear. Married or not, all of us have a heavenly Husband, since we are called His bride. Therefore, look to Him and ask Him for what you need.

Just recently my dear friend told me excitedly of how she had taken my advice. Her daughter was going through a growth spurt and needed new clothes that her husband said (and she said) they “couldn’t afford”! With that spoken, and that poverty mentality buried in a heart, how can God possibly move? However, she took my advice and spoke to God about it. The next thing she knew her cousin who was getting married offered three huge bags of clothes to her daughter since she suddenly realized that as a pastor’s wife she should dress differently. Not only were her desires met, but the daughter had specifically asked for a jean jacket, that again, she told her daughter they couldn’t afford. In the clothing that was given to her was the cutest jean jacket that still had the tags on it!!

The choice is yours: You can either work for what you have, or trust God to give it to you, even while you sleep! “It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep” (Ps. 127:2). I choose to trust God to provide for me (and my very large family)!

Love of money. Dr. McGee once said that it was not money that was evil, but the “love” of money. “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith, and pierced themselves with many a pang” (1 Tim. 6:10). “Let your character be free from the love of money, being content with what you have . . .” (Heb. 13:5). The biggest pitfalls when you have the “love of money” are:

Getting deeper into debt. Once a wife begins working, rather than getting out of debt, the couple will likely get into deeper debt. Couples buy more and raise their standard of living. “Do not weary yourself to gain wealth, cease from your consideration of it. When you set your eyes on it, it is gone. For wealth certainly makes itself wings, like an eagle that flies toward the heavens” (Prov. 23:4).

Stop buying. Did you know the best way to break the spending cycle is to de-clutter your room, house, or apartment? Read the book Clutter’s Last Stand about de-cluttering your life by Don Aslett. As you begin to see a lot of your possessions as clutter, you stop buying unneeded purchases. It worked for me! There are also tips to de-clutter in our books Workers@Home: Making the Most of Your Time, which is free on our site.

But the LORD weighs the motives. Pray for your future husband to be able and willing to support you and your family. One of the reasons that husbands are no longer solely supporting the family is because most women handle the finances. A man is ripped of his manliness when his wife pays the bills. Men are unaware of how much is coming in and how much is going out. But when he is in charge, he often becomes motivated to work harder to earn more or to cut back on his spending.

However, most women don’t want their husbands to handle and control the finances. It is too much submission for their liking. Most women don’t want their husbands to even know how much money they spend or what they spend money on. They would rather “control” the money so they can spend it as they like. This is a big mistake.

We may even handle the finances because we are better with numbers, have more time, or are the more responsible partner, but Proverbs 16:2 states, “All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the LORD weighs the motives.” Women need to be under their husband’s authority in everything! “But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24). Trust the Word and try this method by allowing, and even encouraging, your husband to control the finances and checkbook when you marry. See if you don’t have a better and more responsible husband for you to love and to respect.

Testimony: Debbie* and Nancy* went through school together. They got married only a week apart from each other. However, they had completely different concepts about who should control the finances. Debbie decided that if they were ever to get ahead, she would have to take charge. Nancy, on the other hand, whose husband was really quite irresponsible with money, had seen the destruction that had occurred in her family while growing up when her mother held the checkbook and paid the bills. So she knew God must have a better plan for her life and marriage.

These ladies had each been married for eighteen years. Debbie has worked throughout their marriage and they still live in the same condominium that they had bought just after they got married. Once, when it was Debbie’s birthday, Nancy asked Debbie’s husband what he was going to get her for her birthday. Embarrassed, he stated that he had no way of getting her anything. He said that if he asked her for some more money, she would ask “what for?” to which she would then respond that she didn’t need anything, and the subject would be dropped. Her husband did have a good heart though. He ended up going to the grocery store where she worked as a checker and brought a bouquet of flowers to her aisle. He said that this was the only way he could surprise her.

Nancy knows that she took the right road. Her husband has been the sole provider for several years now and they have a large home with land for themselves and their children. The added bonus of applying this biblical principle, even though she did not know it was a biblical principle, is that she is one blessed woman! She has a lot of beautiful jewelry, a closet full of gorgeous clothes, and even a full-length mink coat. She says that she never would buy any of these things for herself, but her husband insists! She also says that she has never had one day of worrying or a sleepless night over a lack of finances, even though things had, at times, been tight financially.

Maybe you do not want jewelry or a mink coat, but I am sure that you would appreciate a husband who shows you how much he cherishes you and takes on the burdens of your life!

Servant of all. Many women feel that they are not utilizing their “God-given talents” if they stay in the home to care for their husband and children, but that is not Christ’s message. “And sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, ‘If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all, and servant of all’” (Mark 9:35). Jesus spoke those words to the apostles as they tried to compete to see who was the greatest. Jesus also said of Himself that “I came not to be served but to serve” (Matt. 20:28). Jesus could have been anything that He wanted. Yet, He “chose” to serve. You too have many talents. Will you choose to follow Christ in servanthood? Certainly there is no better place to be a servant than as a wife and mother, when we consider God’s Word. He says we are “Great”!

Let us all pray Psalms 37:4-9 in our hearts. “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. And He will bring forth your righteousness as the light . . . Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way . . . Do not fret, it leads only to evildoing . . . But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land” (Ps. 37:4-9).

What if a Woman is Divorced?

Since I am now divorced, I can relate to women who would love to stay at home but think that the only way to support her family is to get out and work. Since my husband refused to pay child support, and I signed the papers agreeing to it, I am exactly where you are (or maybe in a more difficult position since I still have six children living at home). God allowed this because He wanted me to be able to encourage women around the world who are left with children to support alone.

First, if you have not done so, you need to take Jesus as your Husband. Though I often refer to myself as a “single mom,” this opens the door for me to tell them about becoming the Lord’s bride, which is much better than being a wife. A wife is the completion of the man, but our Man, Jesus, is complete in Himself. A wife also is a helper suitable, or a helpmeet, but Jesus has the Holy Spirit; therefore, we can simply be His bride!

When you think of a bride, you will probably think of a woman in love, a woman who is loved, cherished, and is well taken care of. With this in mind, being the sole provider does not fit into the picture. I believe wholeheartedly in this promise, “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:19). Do you believe God’s word? If you said, “Yes,” then that is the first step to totally relying on the Lord for everything; including, and especially, our finances and to supply the needs of our family.

At first, I did my best to find out what bills there were, the money that was coming in, etc., etc. Unfortunately, when you look at things like this, your faith is definitely challenged!! As I became more and more overwhelmed with how much money I needed, the more I just gave it over to God. Do you know that is why He keeps bringing those things into your life? It is not the devil, but God, who wants you to finally give up and give it totally to Him.

However, if you are coming up short and not being able to pay your bills, make sure that you take time to learn and to practice tithing. If you tell me that you cannot afford to tithe, I will tell you that you cannot afford not to! No matter what, those who tithe know that when they tithe, they always have enough, even if it looks impossible. The contrary is also true; those who fail to tithe are always short on funds. It is the only principle that God says to “test Him” on. So, go ahead and test this principle. If you want to understand tithing more, read “Opening the Windows of Heaven” in a later chapter of this book.

Each time I surrendered my finances to the Lord, I found that I had enough, and the stress (which suppresses the Holy Spirit) would diminish. However, the more I looked into, counted, planned, and tried to save or cut back, the more I lacked what I needed, and the more stressed I became. The Lord asked me once why I trusted my husband more than I trusted Him as my Husband. Wow, that hit home! I can tell you that it is not easy, but once you discipline yourself to simply trust the Lord for your finances, He will take care of you beyond your wildest dreams!

What about your job? I believe that each of us women are called to minister—period. Our ministry is in our homes and in the place where we work. Trusting God with your finances will be the start of trusting God to allow you to stay home and to get out of the workforce, if this is the desire of your heart. Many more women (and men) work from home, which yields the same benefits that I mentioned throughout this chapter. You may tell me that because of the kind of work that you do, you could not do it from home, but who knows the plans that God has for you? His ways and His plans are far above ours. Our part is to simply surrender it to Him again and again. He does the rest!

Warning: Please be very careful of multilevel marketing concepts, especially ones that tell you about great amounts of money for very little work. “A man with an evil eye hastens after wealth, and does not know that want will come upon him” (Prov. 28:22). Many groups tell you it's just getting people signed up, but Proverbs 13:11 says, “Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles, but the one who gathers by labor increases it.” The most distressing thing about multilevel marketing is the way these marketing advisors have you exploit your friendships.

While writing this, years ago, I got a phone call from a man whom I didn't even know. He said he had met our family at a home school meeting years ago. He began to praise my children and me, going on for several minutes. Then I found out the real reason for his call: he had a business that was “looking for superior individuals like my husband and me.” This has happened dozens and dozens of times before and since. “There is nothing reliable in what they say; their inward part is destruction itself; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongue” (Ps. 5:9).

Most of us have to wait for God to move. If you are called upon to wait for the Lord to return you back home, then just make sure you make the most of your time that you have left at work and to keep a good attitude. You do not have to tell everyone either, God knows your heart. Please, please, please, do not look to anyone else to help you. This is a trap. Many women who are divorced look to their child support checks to help them survive; however, many men are simply unreliable and the saying is true, “There are no free lunches.” I personally do not want what little money my ex-husband could give me even if he had a good job and was generous with his income.

I know it was God’s plan that I get no child support or any help since my heavenly Husband has unlimited resources and loves to bless me—and you, if you would just rely and trust only Him. So, look to Him alone for everything and be blessed beyond measure!! God has purposefully put me in this position with no child support, six children, and all my books stolen and destroyed to prove the point that there is nothing that He cannot do! Nothing is impossible for Him. The choice is yours. Will you trust Him, or will you look to yourself and others who all have limited resources?

What if I am still single, and/or do not have children yet?

If you are single, more than likely you felt that you needed to work. Some women have been led to work from their homes, which often has proven to be an environment that suits women well since it often relieves some of the pressures and ungodly influences that occur in the workplace.

What is most important is to remain in God’s will. Though I have encouraged my adult daughter not to seek financial security in the workforce, I have encouraged her to seek the Lord so that she is ready to fulfill the call she has on her life. She has worked for me as a tutor and a nanny for my younger children, and she has taken on paid positions within her church, so that she will be ready to be a pastor’s wife (the desire of her heart). I have encouraged all my daughters to help me prepare meals, to baby-sit, and to help in the church nursery to help prepare them for their future roles as a wives, homemakers, and mothers.

The Lord graciously began preparing me to be a mother when I was young by providing me with many opportunities to baby-sit in my neighborhood, and for my nieces and nephews. I also worked in a church nursery before I was married. By sowing into the lives of these mothers and children, the Lord prepared and blessed me with the ability to care for my own children easily and effectively.

However, I was not as blessed with being prepared as a homemaker, as those of you who have read my Workers@Home book know. This is why I have taken the time and effort to teach my own daughters how to bake and cook for our family, do the family laundry and clean, in addition to caring for children and babies through baby-sitting and volunteering in the church nursery.

No matter what your age, rather than seeking more head knowledge through university courses, fulfilling your role as a homemaker and mother is a mission worth pursing. Seek the Lord for His plan for you. Only He knows what your future holds; therefore, He will lead you to the right experiences and opportunities to prepare you for your awesome future!

The wisdom contained in this chapter will help you to prepare for your future, as this is the wisdom that many of us have gained since having children, husbands, or homes to care for. Seek Him with your whole heart to gain the intimacy that leads to contentment in any situation, no matter where you find yourself now, as you wait for your future to unfold!

May All Women Turn Their Hearts Back Home!