Chapter 6 A Contentious Woman

Ask yourself, “Am I becoming a contentious woman?”

Maybe that question is difficult to answer because you’re not exactly sure what a contentious woman is. If we check the Strong’s Concordance, for the definition from the original word used in the Bible for contention, it's “midyan” (mid-yawn), which means a contest, a quarrel, strife, or a quarrelsome and argumentative spirit.

So, now that we know what being contentious is, let me ask you: Are most of your conversations with people in authority, or with just about everyone you know, often or many times more of a contest to see who will win or get his or her way? Are you happy if you win? I confess that I was a contentious wife and I often won the arguments. But, in the end, I actually lost something huge! Because of winning arguments, I soon lost my husband to another woman and that meant I also lost my children having a father around. If only someone cared enough to tell me—that winning an argument usually means losing an important relationship!!

If you take time to look, God tries to warn us several times in His Word about the dangers of becoming a contentious woman. He also says in His word, the Bible, that we perish or are destroyed because of a lack of knowledge. Hosea 4:6 says, “My people are ruined because they don’t know what’s right or true.” Were you ever told by anyone just how dangerous being contentious is? I wasn’t.

Abandon the quarrel. The problem is, we can't fix our future without dealing with our past or present attitude and the principles we follow. So, let me ask this question: Do you or did you ever quarrel with your mom or dad? And do you also quarrel with your boyfriend? Because this next verse explains that when there's a disagreement, it's better for you to just abandon the point you're trying to make—avoiding the quarrel altogether. It says, “The beginning of strife [conflict or friction] is like letting out of water [in a dam that's about to burst], so abandon the quarrel before it breaks out” (Prov. 17:14).

Yes, I know, everyone in the world, and every so-called "marriage expert" actually lie to us, saying that a "good fight" is actually therapeutic and beneficial for a marriage or relationship— don’t you believe it! The truth is, you can probably trace every divorce, every breakup, and every failed relationship back to a quarrel or series of quarrels—disagreements that were never abandoned, which led to two people parting ways.

Full of feasting and strife. Another question: was there strife in your home? Probably so. While growing up, wouldn't you have to agree with this statement? “Better to gnaw on a bit of dry crust in peace than to feast in a house full of stress” (Prov. 17:1). Chances are, your mother, like most of ours, was also never told of the benefit of a "gentle and quiet woman" spoken of in First Peter 3:4, a woman who is "precious in the sight of God." More than likely, your mom may have been a contentious woman due to the fact that no one cared enough to let her know that all her outbursts and arguing made everyone around her unhappy and she never realized just how destructive her contentiousness was. Thankfully, this horrible cycle can stop with you! Now that you know the truth.

Let me share another bit of wisdom. Men and women are entirely different in many ways, ways which we will cover more of in upcoming chapters. In this chapter, let's discuss the difference between men and women, and the fact that men were created by God to connect their head (thoughts) rather than their heart (emotions), which means that after men disagree or have a heated argument, especially with another man, it's the men who are more easily able to shake hands and simply make up—unlike a woman. Why? Because women are hurt much more deeply during an argument. Even though both appear to be equally angry, women simply can't recover a blow to the heart, again due to how we were created.

In addition, within our home, which is designed to be safe and peaceful and loving, but instead there's strife, it's simply not a place anyone wants to be. Husbands and children hate it. As the saying goes, "If Mama ain't happy, no one is happy" because her contentiousness means everyone has to back down or get away.

And sadly, another consequence to being a contentious wife is that as a mother she will also notice that her children are disrespectful and disobedient to her. Children are trained not by the words we say, but rather by example. So, when they have a mother who’s loud and argumentative the children become uncontrollable because their mothers are their example. (See Chapter 15, “Your Mother’s Teachings” for “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Because you have rejected knowledge….” Hosea 4:6.)

So, this means, in your future, your home life is not just going to make it difficult for your husband and children if you won't accept the truth now, it will also destroy the relationship I'm sure you want to have with your children as well.

Don't wait. Today, simply ask the Lord to help you change from a young woman who is headed to become a contentious woman, to a single woman who is known to have a "gentle and quiet" spirit, so this will continue when you become a wife and mother. If not, you'll soon find yourself tearing down most of your relationships, now and in the future when you have children. Don't risk a budding relationship with your children, even as toddlers. Trust me, there's no reason to argue with anyone—when God meant life to be wonderful and peaceful. But it must start with you.

Ask the Lord, who will be honest with you. Lord, do I have a quarrelsome spirit? Because He says, “But refuse foolish and ignorant speculations knowing they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged” (2 Tim. 2:23). Are you known as a “know it all?” Do you find you often have an opposing comment for many of the things that people say?

Instead of answering back with something challenging, God tells us in Matthew 5:25 to simply, “Agree with our adversary [enemy] quickly, while there's time." He says, “Reach agreement quickly with your accuser while on the way to court, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge hand you over to the warden, and you will be thrown into prison.” If you don't learn now how to agree quickly, then after you marry, be sure to watch out for divorce court! Though it's not an actual prison, we all know divorce feels like a prison we want to escape from.

I'm sure if your parents are divorced, you don't want to live through it nor make any child of yours live through it either. The solution is not just to avoid getting married, instead, it's to look at the few marriages that haven’t just survived, but those that are happy! All you need to do is notice that they are agreeable with each other!!

Again, are you argumentative? For those of you who care about your Christian walk, read what it says here, “Urge bond slaves to be subject to their own masters in everything, to be well-pleasing, not argumentative” (Titus 2:9). Are you Jesus’ bond slave? Has He bought you with a price, by His shed blood? Then, don't you feel you owe it to Him to be well-pleasing? To avoid contentiousness and become a young woman who is agreeable and enjoyable to be around?

Contentions of a Wife

So, now that we understand what it means to be contentious, and all its many dangers, let’s take a closer look at what God specifically says about living with a contentious woman—since He mentions this 5 times in the Bible—using analogies of just how awful a contentious wife is.

Constant dripping. Have you ever had a dripping faucet that drove you crazy? “And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping” (Prov. 19:13). Sometimes it takes someone calling attention to a drip (maybe a friend or a father-in-law) for husbands to notice the dripping. But, once he notices it, that’s all he’ll be able to hear the moment his wife begins to speak! So, the way husbands cope and deal with this annoyance is simply by ignoring everything his wife says. Then, when forced to respond in some way, often through nagging, he may simply agree to "keep peace." But it doesn't take long for a man to either completely shut down, after being beaten down by angry words, OR he just leaves the relationship—often finding another woman.

Amazingly, these "other women" soon turn into the same argumentative women they left, most often, worse! That's because remember the Bible says in Proverbs 31:10-31 MSG, “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.” What about you? Is this a pattern you've established in your current relationships?

The corner of a roof. Have you ever wondered why men move out of their homes and leave relationships, many times moving in with another woman? Well, the Bible explains that, “It is better to live in the corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Prov. 21:9). That's just how bad it is!

Desert land. Again, God says a man would rather live without water in the desert heat than to live with a woman who challenges him and robs him of being a man. “It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman” (Prov. 21:19). (Vexing is defined as exasperating and maddening! It's why we see so much domestic violence, which is constantly rising!!)

Again, a man would rather be living on a roof. God is so adamant, so determined that we understand about this principle in these verses that He repeats it. Are there any of us who are wise and brave enough to listen to Him? “It is better to live in the corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Prov. 25:24). The NET version says, “It is better to live on a corner of the housetop than in a house in company with a quarrelsome wife.”

Who can restrain her? Here again, God tells us about the constant dripping of a contentious woman that drives everyone crazy. Can you picture how this would eventually become a giant leak in the roof, causing the person to finally move out? So, the question is, why doesn’t someone just fix the drip or repair the roof? Because God says that it is impossible. He says, quieting a contentious woman is like stopping the wind or holding onto oil that drips right through your fingers! Read it for yourself.

“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; he who would restrain her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand” (Prov. 27:15-16). In another version of the Bible it says, “A constant dripping on a rainy day and a wife’s bickering are very much alike: anyone who tries to control her might as well try to control the wind or pick up oil in his right hand.” In other words, it's utterly IMPOSSIBLE!

After reading all these verses from the Bible, we can see that living with a contentious woman is nothing less than a nightmare—but not just for husbands—as you may know firsthand, it's often even harder for the children. If this describes how you grew up, begin by asking God to help you forgive your mother, and remain loving to her for never knowing how difficult it was for you, your siblings and probably your father to live in a house that was dripping with contentiousness. Then, once He's helped you to forgive her, it's time to pray for His grace to help you to begin to have a "gentle and quiet" spirit right now—becoming precious in His sight, as well as "gentle and quiet" in all your relationships, with an agreeable, loving nature.

Why not have this verse describe you? “Who can find a truly excellent woman? One who is superior in all that she is and all that she does? Her worth far exceeds that of rubies and expensive jewelry. She inspires trust, and her husband’s heart is safe with her, and because of her, he has every good thing. Every day of her life she does what is best for him, never anything harmful or hurtful” (Proverbs 31:10-12 The Voice).

Slander

Inspires trust. Another way we can lose our husband is by losing his trust, by talking about him to others. Though accepted, not sharing things about anyone with others that we really should keep to ourselves, as the Bible explains, will not only help a relationship to last, it will also prevent so many people speaking about you, revealing personal details that ultimately hurt so badly that the only way to hide from the pain is through destructive behavior. The type of behavior that not only destroys your life, but sometimes what results in you contemplating taking your own life.

Again, why shouldn't this verse in Proverbs 31:11 the Voice describe you instead? “[An excellent woman] inspires trust, and her husband’s heart is safe with her, and because of her, he has every good thing.” Let's be honest, who of us appreciates when other people talk about us behind our backs? So, if we don't want others to do it to us, we need to be sure we never do it to others, as it says in Matthew 7:12 ESV, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.”

Gossip breaks up friendships. Have you told anyone about a weakness of someone else, someone you should have cared about hurting? Or, have you told others something someone has told you in confidence? Before you say anything to anyone, remember that God says, “Troublemakers start fights; gossips break up friendships” (Proverbs 16:28 MSG).

A slanderer reveals secrets. One of the most common snares that women fall into is gossiping. It used to be done only by phone, but now chatting is not just talking to one person, it's spread like cancer on social media.  And as we've all heard in the news, this results in such devastation! It could be that your close friend, your sister, a classmate (or even you) take their life due to that amount of shame. 

Change your world today and commit to learn what God actually commands we do, and to stay away from others who do, so you won't be tempted to do it yourself. “The one who goes about gossiping reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with someone who is always opening his mouth” (Proverbs 20:19 NET). Then in The Voice it says it like this, “A gossip will reveal your secrets! So avoid the company of people who talk openly and foolishly.”

Early into my journey to restore my marriage, I had a "friend" who would share “prayer concerns” with me that were nothing more than gossip. So I had to tell her that because of my weakness, we could no longer be the friends we used to be. I confess that my main reason is because I was afraid she'd begin telling other people about me, which then helped me to look at the kind of person I was and go to Him to change me!

Him I will destroy. Others may not know that you gossip, I believe I fooled many people and mostly I fooled myself into thinking I wasn't slandering other people, but God knew and He says, “Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy” (Ps. 101:5).

In the NET version of the Bible it says it this way, “I will destroy anyone who slanders his neighbor in secret. I will not tolerate anyone who has a haughty [conceited] demeanor and an arrogant attitude.” Arrogance and pride, though it's also encouraged today, is what's destroying all of us, especially those of us who live in America, as we will learn later in this chapter. For now, here is a short list for you to read over often, which I promise will help all of your relationships now and in the future.

Never speak about anyone in a negative way or reveal other people's secrets or what they've told us in confidence.

Because if we do God tells us:

That we will break up friendships.

That no one should associate with us - especially, not other Believers.

That God will destroy us!

That we prove we are arrogant, conceited and/or prideful.

How Can We Begin to Change?

Sometime today, speak to the Lord about whom you need to go to and ask for forgiveness for your contentiousness. Make a list of everyone He brings to your mind that you've argued with. And please ask for His help when you go to speak to anyone; be sure you don’t go on and on and end up saying too much. Notice too I said go to. It’s a habit to jump onto social media, but don't. Show that you care enough to meet with them face-to-face. Even if you live on the other side of the globe, connecting with that person privately, face-to-face, will prove your sincerity.

Knowing what to say will be easy if you just ask the Lord to show you what to say. Again, just be sure that whatever you say, do it in only a few words. Just tell whomever briefly that God has really shown you how destructive being loud and argumentative is (or whatever words He will lovingly share that has been your downfall), and this is a relationship that you care very much about. Then, only with the Lord’s help, you are praying to change. Don't go into details that will open old wounds and press on emotional bruises. Instead, stand up, and if appropriate give them a hug and leave. If your meeting by way of the internet, just let them know you have to go because you've hurt many others. Then just do this again and again. If you do, I promise that you and your relationships will begin to heal.

When I was traveling along my restoration journey to restore my marriage, I had so many people He showed me I needed to go to. Some were easier than others, but each time it meant I had to humble myself and confess my faults to many people I cared about. But I have to say this cured me of gossiping and even in listening to gossip. Maybe it's because I knew that if I gossiped again, He'd lovingly help me repeat this process all over again, so that's what kept me from ever slipping, or if I began to slip I would repent immediately. Please try this if you want to have great and lasting relationships. I promise you'll always look back at this exercise being the beginning of a new, abundant life!

Be reconciled. If you don’t feel “led” to go and get things right, never set one foot back into church. Look at what He says, “If therefore you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that someone has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar, and go your way; first be reconciled to that person, and then come and present your offering to Me” (Matt. 5:23-24).

Grace to the humble. Also, when you speak, be sure to speak from a heart of humility. Don’t be too proud to admit that you are or were becoming a contentious woman, because it says that, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt [praise and promote] you at the proper time” (1 Pet. 5:5-6).

The Source of Contentions…
Your Self-Esteem and Pride

“Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt, and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride” (Daniel 4:37).     

Why are so many women contentious? Women are contentious because we have believed the lie of having a good "self-esteem." Instead of knowing and caring what God says, we do everything and think exactly the way the world does and by our actions—we promote the world’s lies—by how we act and what we say. Even the books we read, the counselors we seek, the teachers and classes we attend do not reflect anything close to what God really says in His Word. His Word, which is pure truth and uncompromising. And because we haven't read it ourselves, even within the churches, in Christian seminars and in Christian books, we believe a “Christianized” worldly view—not what will heal us and bring us happiness that's lasting! Only His Word can do that.

Poison dipped in chocolate is still poison! Dear reader, the deadly worldly views are even more dangerous when they are dipped in "Christianity," just as dangerous as poison dipped in chocolate. It's dangerous because we just gobble the lies like candy, not realizing it's killing us spiritually, emotionally and mentally. We honestly have been brainwashed, programmed, conditioned and convinced that “self-love” and “self-esteem” are good, when in truth this way of thinking so highly of ourselves only means we are destined to fall.

“Self-love” and “self-esteem” are not good, but are actually at the source and root of our contentious attitude. Being humble is magnetic and rare. Every “know-it-all” will argue over anything and a contentious woman always wants her own way, because she thinks (though she says she knows) she is right. And even when a contentious woman IS wrong, her self-esteem needs to be protected. So instead of being able to admit she's wrong, without uttering a single humble word or an “I’m sorry,” a contentious woman makes up a reason to excuse her immature and childlike behavior. Women have been conditioned, programed and convinced to think that to make an apology would be too humiliating. Pride holds tight, while it urges her to continue to climb up on her pedestal, only to fall again and again until one day she's shattered.

What's the cure? God showed us a picture of it in the Old Testament. He showed the path that people who were in bondage needed to take to escape. “And when they came to [the waters of] Marah, they could not drink the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore it was named Marah” (Exodus 15:23). That's when God told Moses to throw a tree into the water, which represented the cross of Jesus who died on it for you and me.

That's what you must do also—throw the cross, what He did for you, into your bitterness. Jesus died to free you from all sin, which includes your contentiousness, all your arguing and your prideful, self-absorbed behavior.

Here is God’s prescription. God told us that if we would humble ourselves, seek His face and turn from our wicked ways, He would heal us. Unfortunately, we continue to “walk in the counsel of the wicked” (Ps. 1:1). If we continue to “trust in mankind” (Jer. 17:5) then eventually we will suffer the consequence. Most seek the help of counselors or drugs or something else that will deaden the pain, which obviously is only superficial healing, “The brokenness of His people is healed superficially” (Jer. 8:11), and never getting to the source of our trouble is like allowing a cancer to grow!

Look at all the psychology in the church. Believe it or not, psychology is extremely dangerous, especially for Christians. The reason is simply because we can't continue to believe that any of man’s ideas or looking into the mind of a person is going to heal us where we need healing. Only God’s Word and His love can heal us. And the Bible warns us of the dangers when someone uses God’s Word to promote current worldly views, which is done in the church, and also by Christian authors or speakers. Look what it says, “The prophet who has a dream may relate his dream, but let him who has My Word speak My Word in Truth. What does straw have in common with grain?’ declares the Lord…Behold, I am against the prophets, declares the Lord, who use their tongues and declare, “the Lord declares” (Jer. 23:28, 30, 31). What does psychology (straw) have in common with God’s Word (grain)? Here's what I mean...

Building your self-esteem. There are books and books and more books written for Christians by Christians, but most of what they say is simply not what God says in His Word. What led to so many Christian women becoming contentious, which meant men began looking to other women and why the divorce rate is higher among Christians than in the general public, could very well have been sown and rooted in what's recently being taught and accepted as the truth regarding self-esteem and pride. So, let’s look at what God actually tells us about the dangers of building our self-esteem and how destructive pride really is.

Pride is actually sin. We see that pride was what motivated the angel Lucifer, who later became Satan, and was actually the first sin that was ever committed. “Your heart was lifted up because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom by reason of your splendor. I (God) cast you to the ground” (Ezek. 28:17). Satan said, “I will make myself like the Most High” (Isaiah 14:14).

In Lucifer's mind, he told God he was going to be like Him, and as a result, God cast him down and hell was created due to pride being so repulsive to God. And yet, we are encouraged to praise ourselves, and to “believe in ourselves” to “go for the top” and “reach for the stars” that soon will lead to our fall too.

Have you ever noticed that no one stays on top forever? And after falling several times, far too many are broken to the point of wanting to destroy themselves entirely—through destructive behavior and even to the point of suicide. All of this is rooted and begins with our pride that elevates us high enough for us to fall and be destroyed.

The few who are able to recover, become humbled, and this is magnetic when we learn about the real heroes, the humble who are among us. Wouldn't you agree? If not, here's more.

“Self-esteem” is a lie formed by simply twisting Scripture. Did you ever realize that Satan used Scripture when he tempted Jesus in the desert? And guess what, the enemy still uses it today! He just twists scripture a little by making whatever it is into a half truth. But we know that anything that is half true is a lie. Here's an example...

“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). So many have taken this verse out of context and tell you that this means God said you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. In other words, “self-love” is necessary first because some of us, or most of us, hate ourselves. So, is this the Truth or a lie? It is a lie! Why?  How do I know that? Because it's the opposite of what God says in His Word.

NO ONE ever hated himself! “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it….” (Eph. 5:29). Jesus taught us by what He said, and even more, how He lived, in complete and utter humility. “Have this attitude [humility] in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself . . . He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:5–9).

This should prove, once and for all, that we shouldn’t be prideful or full of ourselves. He emptied Himself to show us that instead we need to be humble. And that only the truly humble are blessed or have the capacity to bless others by the lives they live.

Like He showed us, we need to think of others as more important than ourselves. Again proving this truth, when someone contemplates and/or threatens suicide, the world says it means that they hate themselves. But again, that contradicts the Word of God. Remember, God said, “no one ever hated his own flesh!” The truth is, those poor souls who want to commit suicide actually want to stop the pain. Their pain is so intense that they just want the pain to stop and ending their life seems to be the only way of ending it permanently. They are never thinking about how what they're planning to do will hurt everyone else, those who will be left behind berating themselves, beating themselves up for years for what they should have seen or done to help the person who's taken their life.

Dear reader, if there is a “spirit of death” in your family, ask God if this sin has been passed down from a prior family member. A person who threatens suicide is crying out for help. And please don't make the mistake of thinking that they need to get on some form of medication. This has been proven to not only not help, but it makes the person on the medication dangerous. The side effects of these drugs have been proven to lead to countless people killing themselves, or worse, multitudes of people.

Most of the individuals who go on a killing spree are on some form of mind altering medication. In many articles you can read the real truth about mass shootings, which are said to be swept under the rug. If you want to know the real reason why mass shootings are taking place and why the media won't cover the truth is this; there is overwhelming evidence that points to one single largest common factor in all of these incidents. Almost all were either actively taking powerful psychotropic drugs or had been at some point in the immediate past before they committed their crimes.

Please help the people you love by sharing the truth with them. Encourage them to follow your example by listening to His word that will heal their tormented souls, to rid them of the pain. Help them find the verses about His love for them and the temporary nature of trials. Drench yourself in His love to the point that just by being with you they will feel His warmth. Then, by simply living a life of His love, knowing His truths, the person needing help will soon want to know Him too!

One woman who came for help with her marriage had already attempted and almost succeeded in taking her own life. She actually found RMI while in the hospital after recovering from a coma. What we have for free began her healing, but due to how desperate she was, we began emailing her several scriptures daily. They weren't necessarily related to suicide or hope or anything in particular—His Word just began to help her. We also asked that she looked for and sent back verses to us. Though there were some setbacks, in the end, she was wonderfully healed and became someone brand new!

Remember, the enemy wants us to feel hopeless – so give yourself and give others hope! (Be sure to read and study lesson 10, “Various Trials”) Begin to change the way you pray, then encourage everyone to pray and speak with “thanksgiving,” thanking God for everything, including the trials, “knowing they are working together for good” (Rom 8:28). A wonderful book called Prison to Praise by Merlin Carothers will help you to learn and use the principle of “praise in all things,” that brings results that can only be explained as miraculous! Read it yourself and maybe ask a friend to read it with you.

The last will be first. This is another concept that will help prevent depression. Instead of focusing on being first in everything, being first shouldn't be our goal and it's not true that we cannot please anyone unless we please ourselves. The real truth is what God says, and He says, “But many who are first will be last; and the last first” (Matt. 19:30). Again He says, “If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all, and servant of all” (Mark 9:35). Begin by looking differently at your life and the way you think, putting others first. Learn these verses (above) by simply putting them on your phone or somewhere else and just read them every day. Then, instead of rambling off the worldly clichés we have heard a million times, share these truths with others and help change your world.

The world tells us to speak well of ourselves but Jesus said, “And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted” (Matt. 23:12). In the Message Bible it says, “Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.”          

Why do you boast? “For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive? But if you did receive it, why do you boast…?” (1 Cor. 4:7).

Instead, God says for us to really live—we need to die to our "self." It says, “For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God” (Col. 3:3). The MSG Bible explains it this way, “Your old life is dead. Your new life, which is your real life—even though invisible to spectators—is with Christ in God. He is your life... Meanwhile, be content with obscurity [being insignificant], like Christ.” Why? “…He died for all that they who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf” (2 Cor. 5:15). Or as the NET explains, “And He died for all so that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised.”

Once we humble ourselves, God is free to exalt and elevate us. “…clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time….” (1 Pet. 5:5-6). The Message says, "So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; He’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree..." Stop "caring" for yourself or "caring" about what others think of you, including how much you think about yourself—live for Him, for others, and your life will begin to be carefree!

How can we quickly change from being prideful?

Learn from the Lord. He said simply to, “Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart….” (Matt. 11:29).

Boast in the Lord. “But he who boasts, let him boast in the Lord. For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends” (2 Cor 10:17-18).

Don’t praise yourself. Instead, wait and “Let another praise you and not your own mouth; a stranger and not your own lips” (Prov. 27:2). The Message say, "Don’t call attention to yourself; let others do that for you. If you're humble, I guarantee others will begin to notice you—especially now since true humility is so rare.”

If we don't humble ourselves?

It's important to read and understand how horribly dangerous it is to continue to think like the people in the world, individuals and the culture that is leading you astray. By them telling you to think well of yourself, build yourself up, speak up for yourself, God says over and over how dangerous it is.

“Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own eyes” (Is. 5:21).

“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Prov. 26:12).

“For anyone who thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself” (Gal. 6:3).

“An arrogant man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the Lord will prosper. He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered” (Prov. 28:25-26 NASB).

The Voice, “Anyone who puts confidence only in himself is a fool, but the person who follows wisdom will be kept safe.”

This last verse does an amazing job of explaining how God really feels, “And He [Jesus] said to them, ‘You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God’” (Luke 16:15).

So, ask yourself, have I read any verses from the Bible where God encourages any of us to build up our self-esteem and that pride is something good to have?

Clearly the world, and sadly far too many Christians, are headed down a wide road to destruction based on the pride we've been encouraged to have in ourselves. The only way to find and live the abundant life Jesus died to give us, is to find the narrow gate of humility—which will also change our contentiousness to the gentle and quiet spirit. Not only does this mean we will be precious in His sight—but others will enjoy living near and with us too!

 “Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matt. 7:13–14).

The Voice, “There are two paths before you; you may take only one path. One doorway is narrow. And one door is wide. Go through the narrow door. For the wide door leads to a wide path, and the wide path is broad; the wide, broad path is easy, and the wide, broad, easy path has many, many people on it; but the wide, broad, easy, crowded path leads to death. Now then that narrow door leads to a narrow road that in turn leads to life. It is hard to find that road. Not many people manage it.”

Testimony
“Stop This Madness”

I feel compelled this morning to submit this praise report for God is definitely leading me in this journey. As I read the restoration testimony "Best Friends Again!" on your website, I wept with tears of joy for this couple. At the same time, I realized that I have not spent the quiet time with Him as I needed to, instead choosing to be too "busy." So, I decided to spend my Sunday with Him, and during that time He showed me something that was nothing less than a revelation.

Growing up, my mother was the most contentious woman I had ever known. I've known for a long time that I patterned myself after her, because I didn't know any better. One by one, each of us left home, looking for a more peaceful environment. Eventually, my father did too, taking up with another woman. My mother then had no one to take her wrath out on, but my youngest brother.

Then the unthinkable happened, when in desperation my mom sold my brother's car that he was restoring to pay her mortgage. That night he came home in a drug-fueled rage and shot her to death in her bed. That pretty much destroyed our family, and our entire family went our separate ways. Afterwards, even though I sought counseling, it never helped. I simply couldn't understand why this happened, but since understanding this powerful principle, God showed me that the thief came in to steal, kill and destroy, and that women simply have no idea the dangers in acting the way God warned us not to. The repercussions of my mother's contentiousness have affected not just me, but my children, and my grandchildren. So, yes, divorce affects all the generations but so does contentiousness. And, unfortunately, I see that same contention in my daughter’s marriage because she patterned herself after the old me.

Today I am grateful that the Lord opened my eyes and heart. I forgave my brother years ago, but until now really didn't understand why. What really saddens me is the flippant attitude the world has towards adultery and divorce. I had it too, until now, and of course, simply ignoring that the attitude of contentiousness is deadly. I have come to better understanding and wish to stop this madness in our family here and now.

“I will repay you for the years the locust have eaten, the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm, my great army I sent among you.” (Joel 2:25)

~ Angelina

Which will you enter and walk through?

Personal commitment: To trust God to rid me of every one of my contentious attitudes. “Based on what I have learned from God’s Word, today I want to commit to renewing my mind and to become a doer of God's Word. By choosing His path, I will trust Him to help me become humble, no longer thinking of myself, and instead thinking of others, which will, in turn, rid me of all my contentious and destructive attitudes.”