Chapter 8 Wives, Be Subject

The principle of submission is probably one of the most neglected and most hated in the Bible for many reasons. First, I believe there is simply a lack of true understanding. Since most pastors are men, they simply have to interpret a principle that they will never really have to walk out in their own lives. In addition, many of these pastors are married to women who would never agree to submit to them. Because of this, they forbid their husbands from speaking of “such things” (I know—because I have been refused the opportunity to speak in many churches when the pastor’s wives have gotten a hold of this chapter!).

Unfortunately, many pastors unknowingly misdirect women by telling them what they want to hear rather than helping them to know the truth about the principle of submission. “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires and will turn away their ears from the truth, and will turn aside to myths” (2 Tim. 4:3–4). I, for one, believe that there are women who, like me, are truly hungry for the truth, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32). I believe that since you have made it this far in A Wise Woman—you have proven that the truth is what you are really seeking.

Though I have been forbidden from speaking about and/or criticized for my views on submission, I have had the privilege and challenge to “preach the word; ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction” (2 Tim. 4:2).

My personal belief after teaching about it for so many years is that the hatred and neglect of the principle of submission stems from the fear of our having to trust our lives to another human being who may abuse or misuse his authority over us or our children. Both women and children are weaker and more vulnerable to abuse. This is a very real threat, and yet it is the very vehicle that will exalt those who will simply trust God and choose to walk out the truth rather than resist it. “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 14:11). For me to fully understand the truth I had to walk out submission in very difficult circumstances—this is always God’s way of revealing the most hidden and most powerful truths. This is His way of confirming that—yes, His word is truth!

Being subject or submissive to our husbands is also balked at and fought because we are continually bombarded with the message that we deserve to be free to do anything we want as if whatever “it” is could possibly make us happy. As a result, we witness untold heartache: broken homes and broken lives. Believing that we all deserve to be happy (at all costs) is why husbands and wives leave their spouses and families, choosing instead to sacrifice the happiness of everyone else in order to make themselves happy.

Submission or being subject is a lot like being obedient. Children are warned by God to honor their parents by obeying them, but as with submission, they no longer obey nor do they want to. Here is what Scripture says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph. 6:1–3). You also may have noticed that this is the very first commandment of God that has a promise attached to obeying it, “that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” Much of the rebellion in children, I believe, originates from the attitude they see in their mother who does not submit nor is subject to her husband (and any other authority in her life).

I have the fruits of seeing my children respect and submit to authority in their lives (good and bad). Because of their submission, they are surrounded by God’s favor and His hand on their lives: “Then their offspring will be known among the nations, and their descendants in the midst of the peoples. All who see them will recognize them because they are the offspring whom the LORD has blessed” (Is. 61:9). And let me assure you, it is not what I said to them. It was what they witnessed, and continue to witness, in my life. What we say has very little effect on children (or on others who know us); it is how we live. This is especially true when we deal with the most difficult of situations that challenge our beliefs and ultimately affect the lives of those who are watching (children, family, coworkers, and neighbors).

If honoring parents (and all authority) generates blessings and favor, we, therefore, must conclude that not obeying parents (or rebellion to authority) has very harsh penalties. We see that in this verse, “If any man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father or his mother, and when they chastise him, he will not even listen to them, then his father and mother shall seize him, and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gateway of his hometown . . . Then all the men of his city shall stone him to death; so you shall remove the evil from your midst, and all Israel will hear of it and fear” (Deut. 21:18–21). The point of stoning a rebellious son was to remove the evil and bad influence that the rebellious child had on their nation. I guess it would attract attention if a nation used this method. The verse should alert us to the seriousness of rebellion in God’s eyes!

Submission or being subject is defined as being under the authority of another. If you are like me, you probably had no earthly idea that a wife was to be under the authority of her husband. Once again, we see, “Therefore My people go into exile for their lack of knowledge . . .” (Isa. 5:13). I was always told, and I observed, that marriage was a partnership. I saw a constant struggle for who was in charge, the husband or the wife, and may the best person win and take charge!

In my home, and maybe in yours, the clear winner in the “authority war” was my mom. Unfortunately, I saw that she really lost because of the blessings she missed. And even worse was what it did to her daughters who were the ones who really suffered (like maybe you are suffering now). If it weren’t for the grace of God, I would have also passed on this cycle of rebellion to my own daughters and onto the next generation. The only thing that saved me, and what will save you, is by doing what you are doing now—seeking God for the truth and being willing to walk it out.

So, what do you believe now? Is submission in marriage (and to every level of authority) applicable in this day and age of misuse and abuse? Here are a couple of other verses that should help us with the area of authority and whether or not we should be willing to submit. “Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God” (Rom. 13:1). The darker or more sinful the times and/or situation, the greater God’s glory will be. Jesus said, “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished” (Matt. 5:16–18).

It’s exciting to see that there are more and more women seeking to know the truth. This may be due to all of us witnessing the multitude of families that are crumbling all around us—especially when it is our own. Now, before you are married, is the time to understand the benefits of submission. Being subject to authority is something that we, as women, must not hide from. We must embrace and not reject the principle of submission; not just for our good, but more for the good of all women and the children who will be destroyed if we continue to run and hide from it.

What we need to do is learn and understand when and who to be submissive and subject to. As you do, you will see that it will be for you, as it was for me, the most freeing experience. It will also result in incredible benefits!  Enormous blessings will be ushered into you, your children, grandchildren, and all the women in your life! Today, it begins with you. Submission and being subject is nothing to fear. If God set up this chain of authority, it has to be for our good. It is only when we are ignorant of it (as I was), refuse to learn about it (by not seeing what the Bible really says and simply accepting someone’s interpretation of what he or she thinks it says), or we are afraid of it (because we fear that it means we are losing something, or worse, that we are putting ourselves or those we love in danger) that submission can hurt us.

So, if you can take hold of that fear, and trust that God wants to bless you and not curse you, open your heart and mind and ask the Holy Spirit to help you to embrace the principle of submission. This is where I was when this chapter was written. Each time I was challenged about what I taught about submission, I went back again and again to seek the truth. Each time, instead of dispelling what was already written, it only helped to strengthen the principle of wives being subject to their own husbands. This applies whether or not that man is a Christian, or even if he is a good or rotten man. This is why, dear unmarried reader, you must choose wisely: seeking the Lord for a man who will seek the Lord more than he wants you!

So, let’s begin to understand what God told us about submission and the blessing of being subject.

A woman called one day and asked, “How far does God expect a woman to go with regard to submitting to her husband?” How’s this for the truth? I know from years of ministering to women that most women refuse to submit to their husbands in anything—it is not something that could be deemed unreasonable at all. Women just want their own way and to make their own decisions in every area of their lives; especially in their home and marriage. They don’t want anyone telling them what to do! This makes up 99.9 percent of what women deal with on a day-to-day basis in regard to submission. It is a “flesh” issue, not an issue of “How far does God expect a woman to go with regard to submitting to her husband?” Most women are unwilling to take even the first steps to keeping peace and harmony in their homes. They are unwilling to die a tiny death of the flesh by letting their husbands lead and doing what they have asked them to do.

What women are really looking for (when they ask me or discuss the concept of how far they should submit to their husband) is that proverbial “escape route” so they can bow out of submission altogether. However, this kind of unreasonable or dangerous acts of submission does exist. Nevertheless, instead of releasing us from submitting, they instead prove that His word is true and can be trusted. I know. In my own marriage, I faced some serious submission decisions, but I was determined to find the truth instead of finding a way out. This is when I discovered this wonderful truth. “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it” (1 Cor. 10:13). Don’t you love the verse you just read? First, God tells us that this temptation of “wanting out” is common, but the ultimate truth is that our way of escape is for us to be able to endure it—not be delivered from it.

So, if you are ready to see how to find your way of escape, let me walk you through the same Bible journey the Lord took me through as I searched the Scriptures for His answers—the truth. I was not interested in finding someone else’s opinion, but only in knowing the truth. I wanted to know exactly what God had said.

We’ll begin with what God says about submission, then we will look at the examples of submission that God specifically asks women to follow. There are only two: Jesus and Sarah.

Wives

“Wives, be subject unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Eph. 5:22).

“. . . let the wife see to it that she respect her husband” (Eph. 5:33).

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as is fitting to the Lord” (Col. 3:18).

“. . . as they (husbands) observe your (wife’s) chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet. 3:2).

“For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands” (1 Pet. 3:5).

“…encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5).

“But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24).

When God tells us something once, it should be enough. Twice, and it should be more than enough, but when He takes the time to tell us SEVEN times, then I think He really means it! Wives are to submit, be subject, and show respect to her husband no matter what other women in the world or the church do.

Jesus

Follow in His steps. “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps . . . and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet. 2:21–23).

Submit in the same way. Right after First Peter 2 tells us to “follow in His steps”; chapter 3 immediately begins with, “In the same way.” He tells us that “In the same way” as Jesus submitted to God, His Heavenly Father, wives are to submit to their husbands. This is not what I am saying; it is what God is saying in His word. For you to grasp this, if you are struggling, it might be wise to read in your own Bible, beginning with First Peter 2:21 all the way through First Peter 3:6.

Christ is the head of EVERY man. We know and understand that God the Father is over Jesus, yet how can we be sure that our husband (saved or not) is over us? Here is what it says, “But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:3).

Most of us would concur that maybe, just maybe, we are to submit or be subject to our husbands, but certainly not if they are in sin or asking us to sin!

Disobedient to the Word. God was sure to cover the area of a husband’s disobedience since this often happens in marriage. God tells women how to handle her husband when he is doing something wrong. Do you think He tells her to yell at him, reason with him, or maybe just show him in the Bible where he is wrong? Actually no, here is what God says, “In the same way [as Jesus submitted] you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (1 Pet. 3:1–2). In other words, a wife’s power is not in what she says, but how she acts and reacts to his wrong by showing him respect, even when, especially when he does not deserve respect. It is all in the attitude.

Oh, and since I am encouraging you to read verses from your own Bible, if you use the King James Version, this same verse says “that they may be won by the conversation of their wives.” If you are like me, then you will relate to when I thought, “Wow, this is great; God said that I can talk to my husband about when he is wrong and discuss his mistakes!” Well, guess what? I was really searching for the truth, so the Lord led me to look up the word “conversation” in my concordance, and I found out that it doesn’t mean talking at all, it translates to “attitude,” again, not talking! In other words, my husband would be won to do the right thing, not by what I said to him, but with the right attitude, which God told me was to be chaste and respectful to him no matter what he was doing!

Think this is unreasonable, and something no one could live? Enter Sarah. Sarah is the second example of submission that God specifically asks women to follow. Sarah’s submission should get your attention.

Sarah

Calling him lord. Here is the verse about Sarah, “Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (1 Pet. 3:6).

God said that we could become like Sarah if we: 1) obey our husbands like she did, and 2) do it without being “frightened by any fear.” What would we be afraid of? Well, what was Sarah asked to do by her husband Abraham that could have caused her to be afraid?

In the book of Genesis 12:11-13 and also in Genesis 20:2, we see how Abram (who was later called Abraham) asked Sarai (who was later called Sarah) to lie! To sin! However, it didn’t stop with a lie—this lie led to an even greater sin. Abraham told Sarah to say that she was his sister because the Pharaoh thought she was so beautiful. Abraham was afraid that the king would kill him in order to have his beautiful wife. You see, marrying another man’s wife means being destroyed by God. Did you know that?

“But the LORD struck Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram’s wife. Then Pharaoh called Abram and said, ‘What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say, ‘She is my sister,’ so that I took her for my wife? Now then, here is your wife, take her and go’” (Gen. 12:17-19).

Did you also notice that Abraham was blamed for it? Then later, God honors Sarah for obeying Abraham and trusting God! The first was when it says, “So Abraham prayed to God. And God healed Abimelech, his wife and the women who served him, so that they gave birth to children. For the Lord had stopped all births in the house of Abimelech because of Abraham's wife Sarah” (Gen. 20:17–18).

Then, in Genesis 21:12 God grants Sarah an even greater blessing, “But God said to Abraham, ‘Do not be full of sorrow because of the boy and the woman who serves you. Listen to whatever Sarah tells you. For your children and all their children's children after you will be given a name through Isaac.’” God reversed Sarah’s mistake of having a surrogate to have children when she didn’t wait for God. After God blessed her with her own son, who was the son God promised her, the first son (and his mother) were a horrible reminder of the mistake she made. Their first son laughed at and teased Sarah’s son; and his mother, who was Sarah’s maid, had a bad attitude right after she became pregnant.

But God is so good, isn’t He? He never forgets when we do the right thing, and because Sarah obeyed her husband in the worst of times, He remembered and told Abraham to listen and do what she wanted him to do, which was to send them both away!

Another very important thing to note is that the king never touched Sarah, never. God protected her because she did the right thing and obeyed her husband. The Bible says God told the king in Genesis 20:6, “therefore I did not let you touch her”!

Subject in everything. “Wives, be subject to your own husband, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24). This Scripture explains that your relationship with your husband is to be the same as the Lord’s relationship with the church. We are to obey our husbands in everything, big and small and difficult things like Sarah did.

Isn’t it sad that many churches don’t submit to Christ and His teachings in the same way that many women don’t submit to their husbands? Is there any correlation? Is this where the root of the rebellion lies?

Who hoped in God. Where was my hope when I submitted to my husband as I strived to be a “holy woman,” and where should your hope be? “For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands” (1 Pet. 3:5). If you marry (or when you marry) your hope and trust must be in God. We are not to trust in the man or authority but in God alone!

How can we trust God if our authority has hurt us? Scripture says, “For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise of the same” (Rom. 13:3). How could Scripture say that when we know that often the authority over us is not looking out for, nor caring for us, and has even abused us?

Well, since we are supposed to submit like Sarah and like Jesus, let’s look to see how Sarah managed to submit to her husband when he abused his power of authority by asking her to be another man’s wife. The answer is that Sarah and Jesus totally trusted God. “Thus says the LORD, ‘Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength, and whose heart turns away from the LORD. For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes, but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, a land of salt without inhabitant. Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose trust is the LORD. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit’” (Jer. 17:5–8).

Sarah didn’t trust her husband, Abraham. She knew he was the one who made her, not once, but twice to be taken as the wife of a king! She simply and completely trusted God alone. When I say “simply” it doesn’t mean it is simple. Instead, when I say “simply” I mean it is not complicated. We don’t have to wonder what to do or how to do it. Just do exactly what your husband or your father (if you are living at home) tells you to do. If you obey by trusting God, He will bless and honor you.

The same is true with Jesus. Though He was abused and was made to suffer it says, “and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously . . . !” (1 Pet. 2:23). To revile someone means to make a fierce or abusive verbal attack on somebody; to use insulting or abusive language. If we are supposed to be like Jesus and follow the way He acted in the worst of times, we are not to fight back, talk back or be unkind to those who are abusing us. This is not my opinion, it is what God told us and why Jesus walked through it for us to witness.

Let’s stop and think for a moment about what would have happened if Jesus had resisted evil, or fought against the abuse that led Him to the cross. Where would we be? Thank God, He bravely chose to submit to evil so that we could be free from sin by His death and resurrection! But not only that but so that we would have an example to follow, “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps” (1 Pet. 2:21). And, once again, this verse comes right before the verse that tells a woman that she is to submit to her husband “in the same way.”

Once the women I teach realize what God really said about submission, they try to escape with, “But I married the wrong man.” If I were Sarah, I certainly would have thought that same thing. Wouldn’t you? When I faced radical submission, I made that excuse to God and other people too. However, God showed me that I could waste my days thinking, “what if . . .” or I could move forward resting in this verse, “Every person must obey the leaders of the land. There is no power given but from God, and all leaders are allowed by God.” (Rom. 13:1).

God knew the man I was going to marry before the foundation of the earth. He promises to use it for our good, if we can stop thinking about the “what ifs” and concentrate on God’s purpose when we are chosen to suffer like Jesus did. “Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered” (Heb. 5:8). “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28). All things mean just that—God will work it all out for our good (even our mistakes) when we love Him and seek to find out His purpose for adverse events in our lives.

On the other hand, had I known that I would have to submit to my husband (like I know now), I definitely would have been much more careful to seek God to find the right husband for me—instead of looking for some guy who was cute! I would have looked for a man who feared God rather than someone who said he was a Christian. The true Christian men are busy pursuing God, and the things of God, rather than pursuing pleasure or even a great career. As I have already said in this book, and I say continually to my daughters (and all young women in my life)—pursue God with a passion and the right man will pursue you. THEN, keep on pursuing God, and don’t look back—if that man is worth marrying, he will be able to overtake you by pursuing God even more than you can!

However, if you are determined to find the cute guy or the popular guy, then you will need to learn how to deal with living a “nightmare of a marriage.” So, listen carefully to this FOOL who first built her life on sinking sand, because it took me looking at the example of Christ and His submission to authority for me to see that His situation was very similar to mine. Jesus was dealing with unreasonable men who reviled Him, caused Him to suffer, and threatened Him. Though it might not be easy to do, the Bible says even so, “Be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are unreasonable . . . And while being reviled, he did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously” (1 Pet. 2:18, 23). Here is more wisdom if you are looking for the cute or popular guy rather than the guy that will be a God-fearing man:

“If the temper of a ruler rises up against you, do not leave your place, [or show a resisting spirit]; for gentleness and calmness prevent or put a stop to great offenses” (Eccl. 10:4, AMP). God clearly tells us that no matter how we are treated by those in authority over us, we must be respectful and submissive if we want His favor and unlimited blessings. This may be hard for some of you to imagine, but His ways are the only path for the true Christian to follow. I promise that if you choose another path it will not lead to freedom, but will lead to more suffering. “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death” (Prov. 14:12). And since we are discussing not resisting evil in the marriage relationship, did you know that one of the first things the Lord said when he began His ministry was that we are not to resist evil from anyone? But how many Christians follow what He said? “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two” (Matt. 5:39–40). Since this is so hard to live, God blesses us incredibly when we do.

The same will happen with you if you are called to suffer, and you do it God’s way.

If you want more information or details of walking out these powerful principles, visit our website and read our free books Facing Divorce, Finding the Abundant Life, and Living the Abundant Life.

A woman you must have heard about is Joyce Meyer who is one of the most well-known Christian speakers in the world. Joyce is honored and blessed by God because she was sexually abused by her own dad from the time she was only 3 years old until she ran away to get married at 18. Because she tried to find her own way of escape, she ended up marrying a man who also abused her! She divorced him, but, when she learned to trust God, He blessed her with a wonderful Godly husband. She is now honored around the world because she sought God for healing her of her past.

Years later, she led her dad to Jesus and even was the one who baptized him! God uses all things for our good. All things. God uses the difficult (and often horrible) things we go through to change and transform us so that we may, in turn, help others. So, if your life is difficult right now, hold onto the Lord, and seek Him for His way of escape, which means going through whatever the circumstance may be.

The Word of God blasphemed! You might ask, “When I am married, why is it really so important that I submit to my husband?” It’s because when a wife doesn’t, her actions and attitude actually blaspheme God! Here is what it says, “teach the young women . . . to love their husbands . . . being obedient to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:5, KJV). So many Christians are so worried about blaspheming the Holy Spirit, but how can they continue to blaspheme God by refusing to submit to their husbands?

As is fitting to the Lord. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as is fitting to the Lord” (Col. 3:18). The most difficult thing for women to understand is that we are asked to look beyond our earthly husband and realize that how we act, our attitude, and how we respond has nothing to do with the man who is standing in front of us, but it has everything to do with God and how we feel about Him.

It is similar to what I told my younger children when they were disobedient or disrespectful to their older siblings who were babysitting them while I was gone or traveling, “If you do not obey and respect them, you are not obeying or respecting me because they are taking my place when I am not here.” I know that my older children were not as patient or as mature as me, but nevertheless, my younger children had to obey and respect them for their safety and because this is what I asked them to do.

As I said earlier, wives are to submit, be subject, and show respect to their husbands no matter what other women in the world or the church do. When we don’t we miss blessings, and instead of gaining a greater walk with God, we are forced to become religious because we are in rebellion.

The woman was deceived. Did you know that the most important reason that we are to be under our husbands’ authority is for our protection? “Let a woman quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being quite deceived, fell into transgression. But women shall be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint” (1 Tim. 2:11–15).

Women are very spiritual, much more than men. This is not always good since women are more easily deceived because we make decisions based on feelings. For that very reason, God set in place a husband over his wife, and for the unmarried woman, her father. But what about the woman who is widowed, divorced, or who never marries?

For these ladies, like Michele, who is no longer married, but divorced, your protection needs to be your Heavenly Husband, Jesus, who is the Husband of any wife who is abandoned, rejected, and is left ashamed. “‘Fear not, for you will not be put to shame; and do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced; but you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your Husband is your Maker, Whose name is the LORD of hosts; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel, Who is called the God of all the earth. For the LORD has called you, like a wife forsaken and grieved in spirit, even like a wife of one's youth when she is rejected,’ Says your God” (Isa. 54:4–6).

For those of you who are not yet married, your protection is your parents, and if you run from their authority, I guarantee you will run into one relationship after another that is worse than what you are experiencing now. No matter what you see on this side of marriage, once you marry you will find that God is serious about your learning submission and obedience because you can never be a woman of authority until you are a woman under authority. And the only way to greatness is when we are placed under difficult and unreasonable authority—these are the women who will change their world!

Had I understood the Bible when I was a young woman, and not yet married, I would have chosen to remain at home under the protection of my parents. This is what I am encouraging my daughters to do. When a young man has to get past her parents (even just a mother, or just a father, or older sibling if her parents are deceased), only the right men can get near her (loving, caring and a man who will be good to her). Most women live with ongoing pain, deep wounds, and emotional scars due to men who were not interested in giving love, but whose goal it was to take pleasure from someone who is out from under the protection of those who love them.

If you don’t have a parent who appears to care enough to protect you, thankfully we each have a Father in Heaven and also a Bridegroom who will give us the kind of love we really need until we are overflowing—and no longer vulnerable to “needing” a man. Instead, we can easily wait for the right man whom He has chosen for us, and be ready to give His love to each other. If you want to know how, please visit LoveAtLast.ORG.

Will you be Wise or Will you be Foolish? “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of the virgins were foolish, and five were wise. When the foolish ones took their lamps, they did not take extra olive oil with them. But the wise ones took flasks of olive oil with their lamps. When the bridegroom was delayed a long time, they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

“But at midnight there was a shout, ‘Look, the bridegroom is here! Come out to meet him.’ Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, because our lamps are going out.’ ‘No,’ they replied. ‘There won’t be enough for you and for us. Go instead to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’

“But while they had gone to buy it, the bridegroom arrived, and those who were ready went inside with Him to the wedding banquet. Then the door was shut. Later, the other virgins came too, saying, ‘Lord, lord! Let us in!’ But he replied, ‘I tell you the truth, I do not know you!’ Therefore stay alert, because you do not know the day or the hour.” (Matthew 25:1-13 NET)

This scripture not only warns us about knowing the Lord personally: “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot is one body with her? For He says, “THE TWO WILL BECOME ONE FLESH.” But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:16-18).

Here it is in another version. “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body” (1 Corinthians 6:16-18 MSG).

This is also especially true for young women who think that living together is the best solution to their problems. Unfortunately, living with a man when you are unmarried is just the beginning of your problems and multiplies them. There is no protection for you at all: not emotionally, physically, socially, or even financially. I have known women who lost everything because they chose to buy homes with their boyfriends. Yet, I suppose the way married women jump from one marriage to another, it might not seem much different than living with a guy and then moving on to someone else to the young girls watching.

It’s after we have been used and abused, and taken advantage of that submission seems not only beyond imagination, but totally repulsive. It’s all due to the time in which we live. However, darling, there is nothing that God would instruct us to do that is not ultimately for our good. Being subject to authority will protect us from all deception and our destruction IF we are trusting God, not man, for protection.

God has a blessing for each one of us whenever we choose to trust and put our faith in Him alone! Very often, God will deliver us, but sometimes God asks us to go through the “fiery trial” in order to receive our reward! God is faithful—we can trust Him even when our husbands might put our submission to the test! An amazing example is Donna who heads up our ministry to women who have suffered and need healing for child molestation. God chose Donna to go through the fiery trial to help women, maybe you? Donna@HeHealedMe.org

Questions Answered by Scripture

What is submission or being subject? It is obeying without even a word, especially when a wife has a husband who is being disobedient to the Word of God (see 1 Pet. 3:1). It is not reviling in return or threatening him. First Peter 3:9 says, “not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead . . .”

Is submission applicable today? “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, yes and forever” (Heb. 13:8). In Matt. 5:18, Jesus says, “For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass away from the Law, until all is accomplished.”

How Can I Do What God Asks?

How can I possibly do all that the Lord asks me to do as a wife in today’s world? By grace alone! How do you get grace? By humbling yourself. In James 4:6, it says, “God hates the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” In Second Corinthians 12:9, it says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” “You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman . . .” (1 Pet. 3:7).

It Begins with Obedience Now

When an athlete decides that he wants to be in the Olympics, he isn’t foolishly thinking that he can live any way he wants to and just show up at the tryouts. Instead, he trains for it, and does so, beginning at a young age. This is what you must do now if you are determined that when you marry, you will stay married and to someone who will be loving to you. It is not enough to just want to stay married, no more than an athlete can get to the Olympics simply because he wants to. Here is what God tells us about running the race of life: “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . . .” (Heb. 12:1).

So, let’s talk about the encumbrance and the sin that is plaguing marriages today so that you can live happily ever after. First, the encumbrance of single women is dating and actually looking for a husband. This is totally upside down from the way things are designed to be. Instead, men have always (until just recently) been the ones out looking for a great woman to marry, and a really good woman would have many suitors vying for her hand in marriage. Unfortunately, women began pursuing men, just as the harlot does in this verse:

“In the twilight, in the evening,

In the middle of the night and in the darkness.

And behold, a woman comes to meet him,

Dressed as a harlot and cunning of heart.

She is boisterous and rebellious,

Her feet do not remain at home;

She is now in the streets, now in the squares,

And lurks by every corner” (Prov. 7:9–11).

Notice that she is out to get her man. She is not being won by a man for her virtue but instead has chosen to give herself away. In the last chapter, we discussed the enormous benefits of remaining chaste, pure, and a woman of virtue, which is almost impossible to find.

Remaining at home in the evenings, or out with your girlfriends (who are not out looking for guys) may make you feel that you will never find the right man; but the fact is, my love, waiting will last a very short time (even if it feels like you will live like this forever). In the entire river of life, your married years were designed to last about 50 years as compared to about 10 to 15 years of being marrying age.

To help you understand this a bit better, let me share with you another allegory that I told my children when they were young to help them see the benefits of waiting and being careful during that wait in order to live a happy life not plagued with sins of their short-lived youth.

The River of Life

Looking down at the picture of your life, if you could see the moment you were born, and look at it as the beginning of the “river” of your life, and follow it as it winds and bends around the years of your life, until it finally ends on the day of your death, you would see that the rapids (beginning with your teen years and ending in your early to late twenties) are only just a few.

In each person’s life, there are about a dozen years of rapids. If you are blessed with a long life, at least as long as the general life expectancy of 72 years, the rapids are really just a small fraction of your entire lifespan. So, if you make it through these few years in moral and emotional purity, you will experience smooth sailing for the rest of your life! Think of it this way:

We all begin life with our parents guiding our small and very fragile canoe. The water is shallow and slow moving. Our parents guide us, teach us, and train us. Very soon we are managing to guide our canoe safely down the river of life, basically by ourselves.

However, in today’s world, too many try to take control of their canoe too soon, erroneously believing that they are being stifled by their parents’ guidelines. They, their boyfriends, their friends, their teachers, everyone knows “better” how to guide them in their canoe far above what their parents know or understand. Very soon, they pick up speed and get ahead of any guidance whatsoever. They begin to run the rapids far too young and much too early.

The day comes when they capsize, lose or bend an oar, and/or puncture their canoe. The canoe is patched, but it will soon leak. The oar is mended, but its bend often causes the young person to steer too close to the rocks, the shore, or low-lying tree limbs. Almost daily there is damage to the boat. Pain is felt, but it is ignored in the midst of all the excitement … until, of course, the pain becomes unbearable.

Turning to drugs, alcohol, or sex to deaden and endure the tremendous pain they are experiencing from guilt and shame, the young person is now in serious trouble.

Steering a canoe under the influence of drugs, while intoxicated with alcohol, or based on sheer emotions is literally impossible while running the rapids. Consequently, the canoe runs the rapids with no control, assistance, or inhibitions. More damage occurs: it capsizes several times, hits rocks, runs aground, and collides with other canoes, as it runs the rapids of the river of life.

When the rapids are over, the river is finally calm. The young person is now in his or her mid to late twenties—but the canoe is now barely staying afloat. Most of the young person’s time is spent mending and repairing his or her canoe or trying to find ways to paddle down the river by hand since their oars are long gone.

The river is smooth now, but for the canoe that is so badly damaged, the calm river continues to pose real danger. And there, as the young person looks out of his or her broken-down canoe, paddling right past them, they see successful young people paddling with ease in perfect canoes, and they begin to envy. “Their” canoes were carefully protected through the rapids, still intact, in perfect shape. As the morally and emotionally pure canoes hit this calm portion of the river, the disfigured young people watch as they paddle and maneuver around every obstacle without incident! Honor is theirs at every turn. Success seems to be always theirs. Happiness is theirs. Love and admiration is theirs. As the damaged and hurting boys and girls watch, they wonder…

“What happened to my life? This is not what I wanted—not how I wanted it to turn out”.

Looking at the big picture, the rapids take up only a very small period of your life. If you will take a look at your life, and, during this short period honestly and boldly choose to stay in your canoe, protect your oars, get help and guidance to get you through it, and stay away from those who have chosen to run the rapids as if tomorrow will never come—I promise you will never regret it!

You can never go back and redo your mistakes. You must make each decision with tomorrow and your future in mind.

If you do not want to be carried away, never get in the water! Dating will prepare you for divorce and adultery. Waiting today will mean a future of joy with no regrets.

Will your unfaithful habit carry you off into a life of misery? It will if you practice unfaithfulness before you marry. Unfaithfulness doesn’t only mean having a sexual relationship with someone; it also means giving your heart to someone who may never be your husband. “And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.” (Matthew 25:13)

So, let us each learn to obey, as Sarah did, without being frightened by any fear.

Personal commitment to be a submissive wife to my husband when I marry. “Based on what I have just learned from God’s Word, I surrender my will and wholeheartedly desire to be able to obey my earthly husband so that the Word of God will not be blasphemed. To be ready for this call, I will begin to learn to be obedient to and honor my parents and do so with all authority in my life.”