RJN “My Custody Loss” Chapter 4

After the first appointment at the psychiatrist to get the “voice of a child,” the psychiatrist wanted to talk to me about her findings. She basically told me that the children want to stay with both of us but that there are some things she doesn't feel comfortable with and that she would like to see them one more time before she wrote her final report. She also said that she would call Kevin to share her findings with him and talk to him about another appointment because she needed consent from both of us. So I said I would give consent if that is what Kevin wants.

I didn’t know this, but she also told me that she spoke to Kevin before the first appointment to find out what his reasons were for wanting to take the children away. She also wanted to assure him that she is not on my side in this case, or on his, she is only concerned about the children and what is best for them. She said that Kevin was afraid that I would say things that would affect her final report because I was there with the children. But I never did, and I didn’t need to—I had my Mighty Counsellor who knew my feelings and concerns. And during these sessions, the parents do not go in with the children, as they go in one at a time, so there is no outside influence on what they share.

The psychiatrist did ask me how I felt about this and what I think would be the best for the children, and I said that if staying with Kevin is in their best interest, then I will let them go. But I kept my true feelings and my prayers to myself, I only poured my heart out to my Heavenly Husband because He was the only one who could really work in this situation, not the psychiatrist or anybody else.

At this point, I truly embraced "win without a word" and having a "gentle and quiet spirit." For a period of time, I received a lot of bad emails and criticism from Kevin. But because I started to apply these principles, the emails from Kevin stopped. I also began to apply to "being agreeable" and began to embrace every insult and just agreed. It was a difficult time for me, but I have learned that keeping quiet, being agreeable, and being gentle and quiet, diffuses bad situations and keeps you in perfect peace.

During this time, the children asked me some questions regarding the divorce. Kevin talked to them when he filed for the divorce, so I don’t really know what he told them, I never asked. I did not say anything bad about Kevin or the other woman and just told them that I made mistakes during our marriage. Until today I have never told them anything bad about their father or tried to ruin their relationship with him. My Husband really worked in my heart regarding this, and for their sake, I knew it would be wrong.

After spending some time with the OW, my children came to me at one point and told me that I needed to be a better mother and be more fun. The OW played with them, and I just did homework and all the “boring” stuff with them. This really broke my heart, but my Husband reminded me that I am their mother and there is a huge difference.

During the whole process, I could see that the children were very conflicted; they wanted to go to this new school because they were told how great it is, they wanted to stay with their dad, but they were also worried about where I would stay and if I would be okay, and if they would still see me. So, if I did say anything to the children, I just assured them that I would be okay, I would still see them, and whatever they want to do would be fine, but that I will always love them, I will always be here for them and that I will always be their mother, no matter what happens.

Kevin agreed to a second appointment, which was made for the following week, so I took them, and by this time, I had more peace. I was no longer in the totally broken state that I was in during the first appointment. This time, while they were busy, I went to the cross again, but for a different reason, I went there just to be in the presence of my Husband and talk to Him. The only reason I was able to get to this point was by really grabbing on to Him and to surrender, giving everything to Him, and trusting in His plan.

Afterward, she spoke to me again, and said that she wants to make an appointment with Kevin and me to discuss the situation and her findings. I really did not want to do this, but once again, I had to be agreeable, and the appointment was made for the following Friday afternoon.

Before this final appointment, I really had to seek God to help me to attend this appointment with Kevin. I really needed Him to help me and guide me through it because, in my own flesh, I was not able to do it. I was afraid of sitting there and listening to what Kevin had to say...But perfect love cast out all fear, and during the time leading up to that final appointment, He filled me with His perfect love.