I Hate Divorce
“‘For I hate divorce,’
says the LORD God.”
Malachi 2:16
Break My Heart
Quick 2-minute read
If your parents are divorced, I'm going to guess that you may have decided NEVER to marry. You don't want to get married because you're afraid you'll get divorced. Am I right?
Let me give you another option. Instead of missing out on living a longer life, being more financially stable, plus a healthier life, why don't you change the path and get off the wide road to destruction that most traveled along that helped cause divorce? Yes, people who are married do live longer. They are financially more stable. They are also healthier; maybe the biggest difference is they're happier. Over the past five decades, 50 plus years, the surveys remain the same—three times as many people who are married as compared to not being married are happier, healthier, and more financially stable. You're surprised.
So if you do choose to get married, you'll want to stay married and not get divorced. Then don't practice getting divorced. Dating is practicing for Divorce—unless you are one of the few who date only one person. One of my 3 brothers met his wife when he was only 14, and they were happily married until "death" did they part. By the way, did you know that dating is relatively new? As a matter of fact, before the idea of dating, most marriages were arranged marriages; arranged by their parents, who knew who they needed and who their child, the one they loved, deserved. The couple often doesn't meet their husband or wife until the day they married or possibly once before. It still goes on today in many countries and some religions. Want proof? Let's look at the statistics:
At least 50% of first marriages end in divorce, and 80% of second marriages end in divorce! But in arranged marriages, divorce is only 4%, which means almost all arranged marriages stay married. True, not everyone who stays married is in a "happy" marriage, but most have to be. I believe it's because when you date and break up, it's like a mini-divorce, so you come to the marriage fractured and damaged, and part of your heart has been given away. Some young people are devastated when they break up, and I would guess you know this to be true: they no longer want to live. Why, oh why, put yourself through this torture when you can simply wait? Exactly so, because it's not simple or easy to wait—especially if you don't train yourself in the beauty and experience the superpower of waiting!
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God's Superpower: Waiting
3-minute read
When reading a recent #wait blog post, it's clear that even preteens are being lured into the dangerous and heartbreaking practice of dating. Parents are at a loss, as was I when my children's father expressed his desire for his children to be popular so they could have what he had in his high school years. Their father was very popular, as was I, but thankfully, I'd been repeatedly rejected for good and set apart. I'd experienced and knew that "I was His and He was mine," so I wasn't vulnerable or at risk, and I knew I didn't need a boyfriend because of my close relationship with my FBF—which, funny enough—made me much, much more desirable and attractive.
The truth is everyone wants what they cannot have. Some like to tease, "playing hard to get" because it's so seductive. But my life and future were no one's game, and your future is just as important to you (and to your parents).
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:4-5
Let me share a story that will help you look at dating and waiting a bit differently. When my oldest three sons were 20, 18, and 16 (and were also tall and handsome), a father came up and began mocking me because none of my sons had ever dated, never had a girlfriend, nothing. He bragged about how his daughter was popular and was busy dating many boys. Not knowing how to reply, I "acknowledged Him," and I heard myself asking this father, "Do you give all these guys the keys to your new car?" Horrified, he quickly said, "No! Are you crazy?!" and then I answered, "But you trust all these guys with your daughter? What matters more to you?" He didn't answer but turned and walked away.
Dear Wise Woman in Waiting, if your parents refuse to allow you to hang out with certain people, be grateful because this proves you are more priceless than any car, a costly car they'd never park in a parking lot where many cars have been stolen or damaged.
So, again, since my children's father was very popular and said he wanted our children to be popular too, I shared my heart with him. I told him I wanted to keep our children morally pure before they married. At the time, I never dreamed my once popular husband would want to relive his popularity and cheat on me during our entire marriage. That's when he said, "How? How can you possibly make that happen? It's impossible!"
So, once again, not knowing how to reply, I "acknowledged Him," and I heard myself say, "Well, I don't know, but it can happen! I don't know how, but it can happen!" I didn't know how, but God knew.
The first major path towards remaining pure and not dating was when He led us to "enter by the narrow gate," and we began Homeschooling for Him. This made it much easier because my children were not continually around peers who talked about dating nonstop and pointing out that "cute girl" or "cute guy." My children could focus on other things that prepared them for their future and enjoy their lives.
Yes, they socialized and occasionally met with selected friends, but not enough to rob them of a better future. My children were investing in a better future by waiting, and waiting allowed them to look for their "spouse," the one person whom they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with— when they were ready to marry.
"'RECORD the vision and INSCRIBE it on tablets [phones and computers], that the one who READS it may RUN. For the vision is yet for the APPOINTED time; It hastens toward the goal, and it will not fail. Though it tarries, WAIT for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.’” Habakkuk 2:2
Not only were my children blessed, but so were the sons/daughters-in-law who will never need to worry about their spouse cheating on them. When you've only been with or loved the person you marry (just one woman or one man), they are the only one you will forever adore. Plus...you don't carry the open wounds, scars, and fears into your marriage!
Dear Wise Woman in Waiting, you deserve a future like this, too!! If you long to be treated as one-of-a-kind, special, adored, and cherished—talk to your Heavenly Father and ask Him to do this for you too. Moms who are reading this, your sons and daughters, and you deserve a future like this, too!!
It's time to “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4. “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.” (Psalm 37:5).
Are you ready to strengthen your "superpower" of waiting? Then, takes just 5 minutes to read The River of Life and then read The Wedding Clothes for Her, which takes less than 7 minutes.
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Wings as Eagle
Superpower—Waiting
Under 4-minute read
SuperPower— Waiting. Who doesn't love watching movies and hearing about superpowers? Young children especially love imagining having a superpower, and so do many adults. Even though it would be amazing to be born with a superpower, there is a unique power within you that God can use to train to use supernaturally. Just like most people who exhibit powers we admire and want for ourselves—athletes will tell you that these qualities are learned and developed over years of training. Most athletes who are at the top of their game will also say it's because they began training at a young age. Even in the Bible, the apostle Paul says, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am . . . In every circumstance, I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.” (Philippians 4:11-12).
So now is the perfect time for you to gain one of the best superpowers— waiting.
To be honest, I can't image how difficult or unremarkable my life would have been if I had not learned these lessons and disciplines from years and hours of training and developing— patience—by waiting. For four years, when I was young, I'd arrive at my ballet class and wait hours before the class. The same happened when I joined the synchronized swim team and waited hours before practice started. God also used my mother, who was a "free spirit," to train me to wait. My mother never was able to arrive on time, so I was often waiting for hours for her to pick me up—even in the pouring rain. Once, I was left waiting at a birthday party when my hostess finally made up a bed for me to sleep over after waiting for my mother to pick me up, finally arriving at lunchtime the next day.
My own children didn't learn to wait in the same way. Thankfully, however, God honored my desire to pass along this gift of waiting to my children. He blessed them with a father who didn't believe in arriving on time but felt it was important we arrive early, very early. So, my children learned to wait for hours for church to start or theme parks to open. They also learned to wait when opening Christmas presents. Rather than a free-for-all, with everyone grabbing presents with their names on them, as parents, we agreed to open one present at a time and take time to get up and give a thank-you hug to the giver. So, by evening, as a family of nine, we often still had several unopened presents under the tree! There are other examples, but I think you get it.
What's God done in your life that you may not even realize was Him developing your superpower? Have you missed this gift from Him and wiggled or complained your way out of training for your superpower of waiting?
Maybe you're wondering how I know waiting really is a true superpower. Easy, let's look at what God says. The one I use the most is, and most believers know by heart is, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they will rise up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31.
When you read that promise, did you remember to pay attention to the transition words "like" and "but" and "yet"? This means God is comparing something that came before that thought. Here's what comes before the promise of renewing your strength by waiting, "The Lord gives strength to those who are weary." "Even young people get tired, then stumble and fall...but, yet, the people who wait—they're the ones who soar like eagles, don't get weary, don't faint."
As you might have noticed, I also love meditating on this same promise in other versions. Some I've used in this Wise Woman in Waiting use the word trust instead of wait—because trust proves that you are willing to wait.
"Yet those who trust the LORD will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired."
"But those who wait for the LORD [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] Will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired."
Once again, notice that each begins with yet or but, which means it's comparing two things.
"Even young people get tired, then stumble and fall..." yet or but, those few who trained themselves to wait are the only ones who gain the superpower and the unending blessings that follow.
Here's another confirmation, "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Psalm 37:7 If you don't have the superpower of waiting, you will never be capable of waiting patiently, and that means you can never rest and enjoy the time whenever He asks you to wait. Instead, you will be miserable waiting and will be constantly striving, struggling through turmoil and difficulties.
Yet, waiting patiently means you're waiting without suffering through it. You've been trained to find other things to occupy your mind. Even as a young child, I learned to enjoy the wait because He trained me to talk to Him, my FBF "Forever Best Friend."
Doesn't time fly by when you're with friends, like your best friend from school? Imagine having your FBF who's always with you, day and night, who also knows the answers to everything—even the future! "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty and marvelous and wondrous things, which you do not know…things to come, things you could never figure out on your own, remarkable secrets…“ Jeremiah 33:3
Now it's time to Selah, which means stopping and thinking about what you just read. Better yet, talk to your FBF about it.
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Appointed Time: Wait for It
Quick 3-minute read
Here's another interesting truth when it comes to waiting, "Then the LORD answered me and said, 'Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, that the one who reads it may run. The vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.'" Habakkuk 2:2-3 Most promises are given to us for later, so just as picking fruit that's not ripe is bitter and is not enjoyable, so too rushing ahead rather of waiting and training for your superpower will mean it will turn bitter and become less enjoyable or altogether troublesome.
It reminds me why some parents choose not to tell young children where they're going because immature children ask, "Are we there yet?" over and over again. Yet parents who train their children to enjoy the ride and plan for fun things to do during their journey will mean everyone enjoys the journey and once they reach their destination it's so much more appreciated. It's the same with each of your different journey's in your life!
By this time, you're proven you're mature enough to benefit from studying this workbook, which means—you don't need your parents to work out how to enjoy your designed time for training how to enjoy and benefit from waiting. No, waiting won't include wasting time looking at your phone. If you speak to your Father or FBF, “Forever Best Friend” asking what He's got planned, you would be amazed by what you'd miss by giving away your time to things and people who are part of the enemy's schemes to "steal, kill and destroy"— robbing you of your superpowers.
Both allegories, The River of Life and The Wedding Clothes,, were stories I invented to help each of my seven children learn the beauty of waiting—especially waiting for God's choice to know who to marry— so they'd been in the position to stay married and enjoy an abundant life. Along with these stories, I looked for other opportunities to train them to learn to wait, which is difficult when you don't know how. So how can you, no matter your age, learn to wait and wait patiently to live with the superpower of waiting?
Like everything, ask God. Each of us is different, so having a close relationship with your Heavenly Father and talking about everything with you FBF is at the very foundation of becoming a wise woman in waiting...
Oh my, did you see it? Only now I realized that the title of this book is, A Wise Woman in Waiting, and was designed to mirror the concept of a "lady in waiting," which is what Queen Esther was called to do. Queen Esther was selected and prepared for years to become queen to save her people "for such a time as this," and no doubt, it's why He led you to read this workbook.
Building your life on the Rock means that when "the rains and the floods come," when "the winds blow and burst against your life," you and your life will not fall apart because it is built and founded upon the Rock. (Matthew 7:25).
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The Superpower: Saving
3-minute read
Most people are either savers or spenders. We often think of this only in terms of money, but it carries over into other ways we can discipline ourselves to strengthen our ability to wait and gain all the benefits of the superpower. People who spend whatever money they get (by working or what's given to them) find they can never afford to invest in larger, more long-term, enjoyable purchases—things that will last and result in being fully content. Instead, the spender is left wanting, always desperate, searching for more.
Let's look at this same principle not in terms of money but in terms of experiences. The one who spends her most precious gift (her inheritance, innocence, temple, her body) that I hope you took the time to read in The Wedding Clothes is left unsatisfied, discontent, and continuously wanting more. Yet, the saver, the Wise Woman in Waiting, who saves and locks away her most precious gift, again, her inheritance, innocence, temple, and body, is free to invest her time waiting by building wealth— emotional, spiritual, and mental wealth (knowledge, wisdom, and understanding), wealth that will serve to improve her entire life and the lives of everyone who she loves, and who loves her. That's a lot to grasp, so take a moment to reread what He just said at least one more time.
Once again, the principle of saving is something you learn and train to do gradually as you continually experience the many rewards, and it becomes second nature. Then, as soon as saving rather than spending becomes what you do naturally, which, in truth, happens supernaturally—it becomes part of your new nature—then you can discover the perfect balance. Let me explain this a bit more.
Our human nature, which is sinful nature due to the sin we inherited from the first sin committed in the Garden of Eden, is what we will naturally or instinctively do. But to rise above this, we begin to study and learn His truths from God's Word, and then, as He leads us, we start practicing doing the opposite of our sinful nature. Supernaturally is when His grace is applied to our circumstance.
“And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that His power may dwell in, rest on, work through me.’” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Whether you are naturally a spender or saver, God's purpose in empowering you with supernatural gifts (for you to use, not solely on yourself, but just like the superheroes in comic books or in movies) was to designed be used to rescue and save the hurting who have fallen prey to evil. Here's what He says, “It’s my duty to make sure that the enemy does not win even a small victory over us, for we don’t want to be naïve and then fall prey to his schemes.” 2 Corinthians 2:11
A Wise Woman in Waiting carefully weighs her options, knowing that what might appear enjoyable only lasts for a moment, yet the consequences are able to damage you for a lifetime. Its damage can't be removed, possibly repaired, but it most often leads to emotional and mental battles that wear out the once-innocent, later sometimes doubting believer. The best way to avoid this trap is whenever you sense an outside push or urgency, it should ring alarm bells as a warning to turn and do good. “Let him turn away from evil and do good. Seek peace and pursue it...” 1 Peter 3:11 Quickly “Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge.” Proverbs 14:7.
For you to WAIT and not struggle while waiting, be sure you stay far away from awakening the sorts of feelings that society and the enemy use to tempt you. I also follow this because I'm blessed to be able to devote myself to my Darling Lord. Why? Because God says,
"I want you to be free from the concerns of this life... a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy[set apart] in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband."
This means I never watch television or videos, read, or listen to anything designed to have us focus on what should be just a fraction of who we are and what our lives, our abundant lives, consist of—showing intimacy that's "done by them in secret." This began when I was quite young and living and going to school in Hollywood, where all sorts of evils thrived.
While growing up, whenever I saw two or more girlfriends who were busy with "nasty giggling," I turned and went somewhere else. If I witnessed anyone whispering with that same "nasty giggling," I again left because God says, "Turn from evil and do good." My FBF had me practice this my whole life— whenever I saw the "nasty or naughty giggling" as I shared in Set Apart while at a party where they were passing around drugs.
Many times, this has saved me from losing what's most precious: TWC. Because of the wisdom my FBF taught me, it wasn't until I was about to graduate high school that I'd worked out what most very young children are sadly taught in school, by parents, and by "friends"—robbing them of their innocence and childhood.
So, when I began raising my family, I made sure my children knew enough without ever explaining what or why or details.
For example, on one occasion, two of my sons came to me while I was talking to the mom of their friend we were visiting, and one of my sons put his hand on my forearm. I immediately stood up, smiled, and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot there's somewhere we need to be (back home and leave there)." What I taught my children and what we agreed on was they could come to me whenever they felt uncomfortable. Rather than waiting until I acknowledged they were standing next to me (because I'd taught them never to interrupt), they'd simply put their hand on my forearm as a secret signal so I knew they were concerned.
Later in the car, my sons explained their "friend" asked them to come into his closet to show them something and asked me what I thought it was. Asking God for wisdom to know how to answer, I said, "I don't know (because I honestly didn't), but it couldn't have been good if he wanted to show you where it was dark and in secret," and my sons agreed.
May I ask what wisdom has your FBF or your parents taught you? Please share them in the comments after you journal this portion of "I Hate Divorce." Be sure whatever you share is discreet—fitting for A Wise Woman in Waiting.
Take the Advanced Course of this chapter
Both Tara and Vana studied A Wise Woman before they married. Read Tara's True Life Fairytale love story and also "The Heartbroken Heiress."
Me encanta este super poder de la espera, he aprendido con dolor que cuando nos aceleramos y no esperamos por Su voluntad traemos dolor a nuestra vida. Son muchisimos los errores que cometí por el afán, especialmente en mi juventud, uno de ellos fue justamente el no esperar que mi Padre Celestial obrara en la transformación de mi esposo terrenal, en ese entonces mi novio, por el contrario presioné tanto que no deje. que las cosas entre el y su Padre Celestial fluían de forma natural, lo que se convirtió en algo “engañoso” para mi pues pensé que el estaba caminando con EL y listo para asumir el matrimonio, pero no fue así. Como lo expresó Erin, se ve el fruto un poco verde, pero lo tomamos porque pensamos que ya esta muy cerca de madurar pero realmente no es así entonces nos sabe amargo, bien, eso fue lo que coseché al apresurarlo, amargura, desanimo y frustración. porque no maduró como debió hacerlo en el tiempo de Dios.
I love this super power of waiting, I have learned with pain that when we speed up and do not wait for His will we bring pain into our lives. There are many mistakes that I made out of eagerness, especially in my youth, one of them was precisely not waiting for my Heavenly Father to work in the transformation of my earthly husband, at that time my boyfriend, on the contrary I put so much pressure that he did not let . that things between him and his Heavenly Father flowed naturally, which became something “deceptive” for me because I thought that he was walking with HIM and ready to assume the marriage, but that was not the case. As Erin expressed it, the fruit looks a little green, but we take it because we think it is very close to ripening but it really isn’t, so it tastes bitter to us, well, that’s what I reaped by rushing it, bitterness, discouragement and frustration. . because he did not mature as he should have in God’s time.
“Yet, the saver, the Wise Woman in Waiting, who saves and locks away her most precious gift, again, her inheritance, innocence, temple, and body, is free to invest her time waiting by building wealth— emotional, spiritual, and mental wealth (knowledge, wisdom, and understanding),”
I love this part because it reminded me of all what I went thru as a young girl all that I was told about my time and the way I spent it “If i didnt get a boy friend while in college, I wouldn’t get any”at some point i beleived it because it came from one of the eldest woman leaders in the church where i grew up, but with time I learned to let go of a lot of “words” that wasn’t bringing me any mental or spiritual health and the knowledge was to be recieved from another source that i wasn’t getting but thanks be to our God that He brought me here that allthough I didnt get it back then I can share it now with other young girls.
He is great and He shows up on time because my experiences and with knowledge now I can share with others about the wonders of saving ourselves for Him and His blessings.